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So as you know, I stopped writing lengthy reviews on this site this year, keeping the blog as more of a film diary of sorts.  Lo and behold,...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Movie Review - Paper Heart (2009)

Starring Charlyne Yi, Michael Cera, and Jake M. Johnson
Written by Nicholas Jasenovec and Charlyne Yi
Directed by Nicholas Jasenovec

I don't like Michael Cera at all. I've seen him in enough things now -- Arrested Development, Juno, Superbad, and Year One -- to know that he hasn't stretched his acting chops at all, playing essentially the same character in every single film. In the fake (and real) documentary Paper Heart (see, it's clever because it's both fake and real!), he's playing himself, which, if that's the way he really is in real life, Michael Cera hasn't really been acting at all in any single movie he's ever been in because this Michael Cera is interchangeable with any other single thing I've seen him "act" in. All that being said and with you now knowing that I'm not a Cera fan, he was far and away the best thing in this painfully unfunny look at love.

Charlyne Yi is a twenty-something actress who doesn't believe in love so she decides to film herself going around and talking to people about this unattainable feeling.

Let me just say that without a doubt Charlyne Yi (who is playing herself for Pete's sake) is the most annoying person I've seen onscreen this year...and I've seen Brüno, so that's saying something. Not even three minutes in, she was already ticking me off. I was going back and forth about giving this a 'D-' or an 'F' (there was one five-minute "segment" of the documentary that I enjoyed quite a bit...go figure Yi wasn't in it), but Yi pushed me over the edge. I hated every single moment that her unattractive face invaded my line of vision (yes, that's mean, but tough shit...I actually paid for your movie, so I'm gonna make fun). I went blind earlier this year for a few seconds (remember?) and I don't want to waste my precious vision on watching anything as awful as her mopey, quirky, weird, odd facial expressions. [Note that I chose a poster without her ugly mug on it.] Sight is a wonderful sense that I'd like to keep, but were I to watch this again, someone would have to bring on the hot pokers and burn my corneas.

The RyMickey Rating: F

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