Movie Review - John Carter

John Carter (2012)

Starring Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciarán Hinds, Daryl Sabara, and Bryan Cranston

Directed by Andrew Stanton

While John Carter may not be worthy of the ridicule that came its way thanks to its extremely high budget and disappointing box office returns, this Andrew Stanton-directed picture was already at a disadvantage in my book as its premise simply isn't up my alley in the slightest (remember, you're talking about the guy who's never seen Star Wars and likely never will).  Ultimately, the film's biggest problem is that there's way too much story here for 130 minutes.  We've got introductions to multiple alien races, at least two civil wars amongst rivaling sanctions on the planet we know as Mars (but known to the natives as Barsoom), and, perhaps the most intriguing aspect (yet least focused upon) that some Civil War-era American has been transported to Mars and rather nonchalantly becomes the savior of some of Barsoom's peoples.

I could delve into more plot, but if I did it'd just take too long, so that last sentence in the above paragraph will have to do.  That said, that last sentence is really the reason the film isn't successful.  I understand that this was likely setting up any future films (that will now never happen), but I'm still not sure why there was a need to place so many different plotlines into this first movie.  If anything, these various storylines fight for prominence and oftentimes become incomprehensible due to the plot's overly ambitious nature.  Ultimately, the fault lies in the director and co-screenwriter Andrew Stanton (to whom this was a pet project for years) for failing to either simplify (or at the very least condense) the various plotlines to create something a bit more enjoyable to watch.

I should say, though, that for Stanton's first foray into live action, he does a fine job in terms of creating an aesthetically pleasing landscape and he has quite an eye for mixing humor and action especially at the beginning of the film.  And, given the enormity of the plot he tries to present, the film's pacing is actually decent.  But in the end, there's simply too much story where there doesn't need to be.

Taylor Kitsch is fine, but bland, as the title character.  He's given very little to do despite being in nearly every scene.  I had hoped his character would've been given a little more emotional oomph considering this American got mystically transported to Mars, but after an amusing few minutes of Carter getting used to differences in gravity, the character almost acts as if this new planet is nothing he hasn't seen before.  The rest of the acting is par for the course.  Nothing exceptional, but about what is to be expected in a sci-fi/fantasy flick.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-

Movie Review - Machete

Machete (2010)

Starring Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, Daryl Sabara, and Robert DeNiro

Directed by Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez

Having never seen the Quentin Tarantino-Robert Rodriguez flick Grindhouse which apparently contained a fake trailer that spawned Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez' Machete, there weren't really any expectations going into this movie.  In the end, the story probably just should have been content with the kooky fake trailer and left it at that because this homage to the B-movies of the 1970s overstays its welcome by about 45 minutes of its hour-and-forty-five-minute runtime.  

The broad story is ridiculously simple.  The titular character, an illegal Mexican immigrant (played by Danny Trejo), is hired by a shady guy (Lost's Jeff Fahey) to assassinate a Texas senator (Robert DeNiro) who happens to pride himself on his creatively unjust methods on keeping illegal immigrants out of the country.  Little does Machete know that he's simply being set up in order to make the senator (who is experiencing a sharp downtown in the polls) become more sympathetic to the voting public.  Somewhere along the line, Machete discovers this double-crossing and eventually meets up with a sexy US immigration officer (Jessica Alba) with whom he teams up with to defeat his enemies.

What works here is the violence...and there's certainly plenty of it.  Excessive to the extreme, it's in these moments of massive bloodletting where the humor and fun lie.  Taking no prisoners, Machete is a man who'll chop off peoples' heads without pausing for a second, and there's something grotesquely fun about watching ludicrous decapitations and profusely spewing blood.  It's when the film decides to bog itself down with dialog and attempts to present a "pro-illegal immigrant" stance where the film falls apart.  Yes, yes, I'm a republican, but I didn't hate this film for taking the other side of the issue.  I disliked the movie for taking that stance in a silly, unsubstantial way.  I'm certainly not turning to a film like Machete for political advice, but even the final showdown between the Mexicans and the Americans just felt disappointing and unsatisfying after such a lengthy, talky build-up.  (There was actually substantial talk about this issue when the film was released and I think most of the Republican bloggers were giving more weight to the issue than it was worth.  In the end, the movie presents the whole thing in a tongue in cheek way...although it certainly does paint a caricaturish image of Republican senators.)

The film initially starts out visually grainy, looking like a film that's been run through the projector one too many times.  It's rather unfortunate that Machete abandons that look after the first scene because it would have been a little more optically appealing.  That older look screamed "B-movie" and it would've made the horrible acting by the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba seem more like it was horrible for a reason as opposed to the fact that the two women just can't act.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-

Movie Review - World's Greatest Dad (2009)

Starring Robin Williams, Daryl Sabara, Alexie Gilmore, Henry Simmons, and Geoffrey Pierson
Directed by Bobcat Goldthwait

There are two distinctly different tones in this movie here. Neither are bad, but the beginning outweighs the ending which brings the overall rating down a notch.

Robin Williams plays Lance Clayton, an English teacher, struggling writer, and single father to Kyle (played by Spy Kids alum Daryl Sabara). Kyle isn't exactly the nicest teenager. All that's on his mind is sex and, honestly, he's probably the nastiest, rudest kid that I've seen in a movie this year. There's much more to this black comedy, but I don't really want to discuss it as it's best left for you to witness it as it unfolds onscreen.

Williams is really quite good in this. His character takes an emotional journey in this movie and I believed every second of it. Also, I was amazed at how impressed I was with Daryl Sabara. I remember liking this kid in Spy Kids, but he took what could've been (and was) an outrageous character and made him watchable (and this character could've so easily veered into the "too overboard" category). Unfortunately, the film falters a bit with Lance's love interest -- Alexie Gilmore's Claire is too cutesy and the dialogue between her and Williams at times felt a tad forced.

Writer-director Bobcat Goldthwait hasn't crafted a perfect film here (I have problems with the second half as my fellow moviegoer is aware...oh, the argument that ensued in the movie theater...), but it's surprisingly moving and funny. For the first 45 minutes, I laughed (oftentimes uncomfortably) a whole lot, and the last 45, while I'm not fawning over it, wasn't at all bad.

This one's worth checking out if black comedy is your thing...it's certainly not for everyone, but it was a fun watch for me.

The RyMickey Rating: B