Movie Review - Tusk

Tusk (2014)

Starring Michael Parks, Justin Long, Genesis Rodriguez, Haley Joel Osment, and Johnny Depp

Directed by Kevin Smith

***This film is currently streaming on Amazon Prime***

While I've never seen The Human Centipede, I have to imagine that Kevin Smith saw that infamous horror film and figured he could do better.  With Tusk, he attempts the horror-comedy genre after a pretty successful attempt at straight horror with 2011's Red State.  Here, successful L.A.-based podcaster Wallace Bryton (Justin Long) travels to Manitoba, Canada, to interview a YouTube sensation for his show.  Upon arrival, his interviewee has died, leading Wallace to a bar to drown his sorrows where he comes across an ad seemingly written by an old man who has spent his years on the sea with stories to tell searching for someone to rent a room at his house.  Desperate to not return home with nothing, Wallace decides to head two hours away and interview the seafarer.

Upon arrival, Howard Howe (Michael Parks) seems like a hoot of an old man with stories to tell about his time in WWII fighting alongside Ernest Hemingway or the time his ship was all but destroyed leading him to swim to a little spit of land with only a walrus as his companion.  Wallace is certainly intrigued by Howard's stories and the old man confined to a wheelchair seems harmless enough.  However, as Wallace drinks down some tea, he soon discovers that his beverage has been spiked.  When he awakens, Wallace realizes that Howard's time spent with that walrus may have formed a rather disturbing bond for which Howard will stop at nothing to have again.

Michael Parks who was so good in Red State doesn't quite match his performance in his last Smith film, but he certainly gives a valiant effort.  His role here doesn't have nearly the depth of the crazed preacher he inhabited so well before, but Parks can certainly play scary.  Justin Long is playing a bit of a jerk here, but once horrible things start happening to him, his fear is palpable.  The surprise in Tusk is Genesis Rodriguez as Wallace's girlfriend who actually has a few emotional scenes that ring quite true amidst the insanity that is going on around her.  Also, it's nice to see Haley Joel Osment coming back into the movie fray again.

Tusk isn't particularly good filmmaking -- its a bit too wry and self-deprecating for its own good -- but I must admit that I was never bored and I found the whole thing oddly intriguing.  Obviously, writer-director Kevin Smith was going for the absurd and in the film's final act things do begin to shift a little too over the top, but the build-up to that point does surprisingly contain a nice amount of tension.  Still, the tonal imbalances hurt this one a bit as it never quite finds its footing.

The RyMickey Rating:  C

Movie Review - The Conspirator

The Conspirator (2011)

Starring James McAvoy, Robin Wright, Kevin Kline, Tom Wilkinson, Evan Rachel Wood, Justin Long, Johnny Simmons, and Alexis Bledel 

Directed by Robert Redford

A supposed metaphor for justice in this post-9/11 society, Robert Redford's The Conspirator never once manages to be anything but dull.  While Redford culls some confident performances from James McAvoy and Robin Wright, neither of the two actors is able to lift this interesting (and little told) story into anything other than a stodgy and stuffy period piece.

When Abraham Lincoln is assassinated, it is discovered that John Wilkes Booth was only one of several people who had conspired to commit the crime.  Boarding house owner Mary Surratt (Wright) is one of those accused conspirators and she is put on trial at a military tribunal.  Her lawyer is fresh-faced Frederick Aiken (McAvoy), a young 27-year old former Union soldier, assigned the case despite his misgivings and distrust of Surratt.  As the trial goes on, Aiken rightfully begins to believe that the government is doing whatever it takes (true justice be damned) to convict Surratt and quell the fears of the American public who are supposedly in turmoil after the assassination.

As I stated above, the story is an interesting piece of American history that isn't often told.  (Although, that being said, considering Redford's admitted attempt to mirror what he feels are misdeeds going on with post-9/11 trials, I'm unsure how accurate of a portrayal this really is.)  However, everything about this film just feels staged.  The sets and lighting seem unnatural.  With the exception of McAvoy and Wright, the acting seems over-the-top and scene-chewing.  It certainly doesn't help matters that the pacing is slow as molasses either.  There's a reason people often aren't fans of period pieces and this dreary, labored movie is an example of why that's the case.

The RyMickey Rating:  D+

Movie Review - Going the Distance

Going the Distance (2010)

Starring Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day, and Christina Applegate

Directed by Nanette Burstein

I genuinely want someone to explain to me why Drew Barrymore is popular.  Yes, her popularity has certainly (thankfully) been waning in recent years, but she's a well-known actress.  Is is simply because she overcame her addictions?  If that's the case, are we in for decades of shitty Lindsay Lohan movies in years to come?  Really...why do girls like Drew Barrymore so much?  The fascination is beyond me and even with an explanation I'll probably never understand it.  Still, despite this Hollywood conundrum, I subjected myself to a Drew Barrymore film this evening and Going the Distance (as expected) did nothing to validate her stardom.

Truth be told, it isn't Barrymore's fault that Going the Distance doesn't work.  In fact, this "rom com" (as the hipsters would call it) features a romance between the two leads that is surprisingly believable.  Between Barrymore and her co-star Justin Long, there was some palpable chemistry evident.  However, the film is just so flat and boring, never creating any type of story arcs for either lead as it attempts to fill the story void by adding some comedic unrealistic "buddy" characters who simply padded the film's running time.  Nothing against Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day, and Christina Applegate (who all provided their own moments of humor), but their characters were pointless.  

As the couple tries to make the most of a long distance relationship (hence the cleverness of the title), the film just stays inert and feels so incredibly generic.  And generic is, I think, my problem with Ms. Barrymore.  I think that Barrymore is probably a nice person -- in fact, I think she plays that nice person onscreen in every single role.  I don't really think she's acting (Zack Galifianakis -- beware because this rant is coming your way next).  And therein lies my problem with her.  When all of your characters are the same, I simply can't really care about what you're doing.  But, really, there's no need to discuss this in this review because the fault of the film doesn't lie with her...and I'm sure there will be another film somewhere down the line where it will be her fault, so I'll withhold those feelings until then.

The RyMickey Rating:  D+

Movie Review - After.Life

After.Life (2010)

Starring Christina Ricci, Justin Long, and Liam Neeson

Directed by Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo

***Currently Streaming on Netflix***

A really awful movie that goes to show that Liam Neeson (like most moderately successful actors) isn't above wasting away in a film for a paycheck.

Anna (Ricci) is a school teacher who is involved in a tragic car accident.  Following the crash, she wakes up in a funeral home owned by Eliot Deacon (Neeson).  Anna is insistent that she isn't dead and that Eliot is holding her captive, however Eliot tries to convince her that she has definitely moved on to the afterlife and he is simply a man who is able to talk to the dead, helping their souls move on to their next stage.  Whether he's some type of medium or a murderer doesn't really matter because there's not a bit of suspense in the flick.

I can't fault the actors -- Ricci, Neeson, and Justin Long are all adequate.  I can however fault the director and co-writer Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo.  I hate to keep using this as a crutch critique, but After.Life looked like a horrible SyFy channel movie.  If there wasn't nudity and a few F-bombs thrown into the mix, that's right where this would belong (I'm sure the channel has picked up the rights to air it in the upcoming years).  Everything about this film looked and felt generic.  There wasn't an intriguing shot in the whole thing.  The score was incredibly overpowering and created whatever "suspense" there was rather than just adding to the suspense created by the visuals.

I wasted my time on it only because of Neeson...105 minutes I can't get back.  That being said, if you're really into incredibly pale, uncomfortably skinny, corpsey-looking female nudity then this film's for you.  [Side Note:  What's up with the period in the title?  After.Life?  Ridiculous.]

The RyMickey Rating:  D-

Movie Review - He's Just Not That Into You (2009)

Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Kevin Connelly, Ginnifer Goodwin, Scarlett Johansson, and Justin Long

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Wow. Women are nuts. If this movie is an accurate portrayal of the way the fairer sex thinks, then I don't think I'll ever understand the gender. I mean, how hard is the concept of "If he's not calling you, he doesn't like you?" I don't think it's all that difficult, yet it apparently cannot be grasped.

There's a bunch of interweaving storylines here...Gigi (Gennifer Goodwin) is single and crazy -- completlely unintelligent in the ways of love. Half-stalkerish, half-sweet, but 100% nuts. Gigi is friends with Janine (Jennifer Connelly) who's married to Ben (Bradley Cooper) who's cheating on his wife with the younger Anna (Scarlett Johansson). Anna is friends with Mary (Drew Barrymore), but I'll be completely honest...I don't know why Drew Barrymore's in this movie because her character is completely and utterly pointless and could've been left on the cutting room floor. Anyway, Anna used to sleep with Conor (Kevin Connelly) who is friends with Alex (Justin Long) who offers relationship advice to Gigi [see...we've gone full circle.] There's also a storyline involving Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck concerning Affleck not wanting to marry Aniston even though they've been together for seven years, but it also could've been totally removed from the plot as it doesn't really relate to anything else.

Most of the actors here are fine. Bradley Cooper continues his string of good roles in crappy movies (The Hangover, All About Steve, New York, I Love You). I'd watch Jennifer Aniston in anything. Justin Long continues to show promise. Scarlett Johannson is fine (I can't believe I typed that). Even Ginnifer Goodwin whose character is godawful is able to at least make me not want to pull out my hair every time her nutcase Gigi is onscreen.

Still, the film is a failure. And it's not because of the actors. Or even the direction (it's nothing special ,but it's certainly adequate). It's just that it's way too long. Not a single storyline works. Every female character is completely unrelateable to the male writing this review. And Drew Barrymore is one of the worst actresses ever onscreen (Drew, just because you produce or direct something doesn't mean you have to be in it).

If you want a good movie with interweaving storylines about love, rent Love, Actually. Leave this one on the shelf.

The RyMickey Rating: D

Movie Review - Drag Me to Hell (2009)

Updated Post 10/30/09
So, based on my love for this one in theaters, I bought this. Unfortunately, on the small screen, Alison Lohman's performance seems much too big and silly. In theaters, it was larger than life and worked; on tv, it just seems a little too forced.

That being said, I still enjoy the film. The last 30 minutes are really quite good, and the last scene...still is amazing. The face at the end...of fear and sorrow...pretty damn cool. A slight adjustment to the original rating can be found below.

Original Post 5/29/09

Starring Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Lorna Raver, David Paymer, and Adriana Barraza
Written by Sam and Ivan Raimi
Directed by Sam Raimi

I've never seen any of Sam Raimi's horror movies, but that's where he got his start -- cheesy comedic horror films made with a low budget. The guy goes on to direct all the Spider-Man movies (only succeeding in his first venture there, in my opinion, and I know it's not popular, but #'s 2 and 3 sucked), and now ventures back to his horror roots with a bigger budget.

I would've never thought that of the two movies opening the weekend of May 29 -- Up and Drag Me to Hell -- that I would have ever said that the latter of those two would be my favorite. But there is no question as to which one was the more enjoyable film for me to watch. In this movie-watching case, I'd rather go down to Hell, than Up into the sky. [Ouch...that was awful. You get what I was going for there? But that's just painful.]

I'm gonna let the tagline on the poster sum up the story:

Christine Brown has a good job, a great boyfriend, and a bright future. But in three days, she's going to hell.

Sounds like a blast, huh? And a blast it is. To add just a tad to that summary, Christine works at a bank and denies a decrepit old woman a loan. The woman is pissed and Christine soon realizes that she messed with the wrong chick. Hellbent on revenge, the old lady places a curse on Christine that, as we soon find out, may cause Christine to be dragged to hell (hence the title) in three days.

The thing that makes this movie great is that it doesn't take itself too seriously. It's not poking fun at the genre a la the Scream trilogy, but it does recognize that this is all a bunch of baloney. Movies like this are made for the sheer fun of it, and Raimi milks it for all it's worth.

Starting out with the old-time Universal Studios logo from the 60s/70s, Raimi already sets the stage that the film's gonna be a little old school. And it is. The fact that this film was only PG-13 made it infinitely better. Similar to Jaws or Poltergeist, it's the lack of blood and gore that makes this movie work. Now, don't get me wrong...there's definitely blood and gore, but none of it is over-the-top. Instead, the scares are simply built by the wonderful direction and script by Raimi and his brother. The build-up of tension is palpable. There's a seance scene that had my heart racing, and as I was walking out to my car, I was jittery in a good way.

Acting-wise the movie is absolutely far superior to most films of the genre. Alison Lohman as Christine is perhaps the worst (let's say "least best" instead of worst, shall we?) of the principal actors, but that's because she's also the only one really forced to play the stererotypical scared horror chick. However, she carries this movie...there are minutes upon minutes where it's only her (and invisible ghouls) onscreen and she holds the viewer's attention for sure. Justin Long isn't given much to do, but he makes the most out of every scene he's in, providing some of the movie's comedic one-liners, while at the same time acting like a grown-up (which is good to see, for once). Lorna Raver's old lady is amazingly eerie and frightening, and Adriana Barraza as the medium during the seance brings an uncharacteristically superb acting ability to a role we've all seen before (Barraza could've easily gone the kooky medium route, but she kicked the portrayal up a notch by avoiding that stereotype).

This is the thing...is this movie as good as, for example, Revolutionary Road or Rachel Getting Married? No. Those movies stimulated me on an intellectual level, while also being entertaining. Drag Me to Hell hits me on a purely visceral level...it's a scary movie that does its job and does its job incredibly well. Not all movies have to be about something...it's perfectly acceptable to simply be going for sheer entertainment.

Is it a masterpiece? No. But it's the best horror movie I've seen in ages, and the first horror movie that I think I've ever wanted to watch again in a theater. Who's up for another round of Drag Me to Hell? Any takers?

The RyMickey Rating: A- (5/29/09)
The RyMickey Rating: B+ (10/30/09)

Note: I'm going to add a mild spoiler in the comments...