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So as you know, I stopped writing lengthy reviews on this site this year, keeping the blog as more of a film diary of sorts.  Lo and behold,...

Friday, September 16, 2016

The 2015 RyMickey Awards - Worst Film

I think I've grown nicer in my old age.  Either that or I've just grown less likely to stick it out when it comes to really bad movies.  While I can't vouch for the veracity of the former, the latter is most definitely true.  Particularly in these final months of my 2015 movie watching, I was not keen on making myself sit through something that I knew was going to be truly awful.  So, in that regard, the movies listed below were at a disadvantage as most of them I watched during the first half of my 2015 viewing year.  Films partly watched during the second half -- including the critically dismissed Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, Walt Before Mickey (which was truly heinous for the fifteen minutes I watched), Rock the Kasbah and the critically praised White God and Son of Saul to name just a few -- were just outright stopped by me if I knew I wasn't going to get into it.

With that said, the movies listed below deserve your utter and complete consternation.  Watching them is a risky proposition that I wouldn't undertake were I you.

Worst Film of the Year
SoN = Streaming on Netflix / SoA = Streaming on Amazon / SoH = Streaming on HBO

(Dis)Honorable Mentions
(all films ranked 'D' or below)
(underlined titles link to original reviews)
Fantastic Four (SoH)  --  Macbeth 

#15 - Little Boy - D  (SoN)
#14 - The Danish Girl - D  (SoH)
#13 - Adult Beginners - D  (SoN)
#12 - The Loft - D  (SoN)
#11 - Ride - D   (SoN)

And the Bottom Ten Are...

#10 - Aloha - D
Unable to balance an abundance of storylines, Aloha is a film that is unsure of where it's going evident by the fact that an hour into the flick, I had no clue what the main plot point was.

#9 - Tomorrowland - D-
Yes, even this self-proclaimed Disney lover is able to place one of their films in his bottom ten.  So ambitious, yet so painfully lacking in the story department.

#8 - The Boy Next Door - D- 
A low budget tv movie that made it to the screen because of its "star" in J. Lo and the fact that it showed male buttocks.  (SoH)

#7 - Out of the Dark - D- 
A horror film that so literally dark -- meaning lit so poorly -- that I couldn't tell what was happening onscreen. (SoN)

#6 - Blackhat - D-
One of the blandest films I've seen in a long time that tries to morph into an action film in its final act, but it's much too little too late. (SoH)

#5 - The Lazarus Effect - D-
Its eighty minute runtime feels interminable with no scares whatsoever as it brings out every horror cliché in the book. (SoN)

#4 - Hot Pursuit - D-
A heinously unfunny comedy in which two actresses are forced to try and act their way through one of the most poorly-written scripts I've seen in a long time. (SoA)

#3 - Jupiter Ascending - D-
I really enjoyed the Wachowski's Cloud Atlas, but Jupiter Ascending was a mess with a script that barely makes sense and a group of actors that are typically good floundering about in some of their worst roles to date.  (SoH)

#2 - Unfinished Business - F
Perhaps the worst directed film on this list, I turned this one off forty minutes in only to finish it because I knew it would end up near the top of this ignominious list.  (SoH)

#1 - Mortdecai - F
A purported comedy, not only did I not laugh once, but a smile never even came across my face.  A jumbled mess of tone and style, this film never finds its footing.  Attempts at being a sex comedy come across as childish.  Action sequences are out of place and poorly staged.  Everything about Johnny Depp's performance as a bumbling art dealer is so over the top and heinously misguided by the director with Depp feeling as if he were taking part in a completely different film.  

Previous Worst Film "Winners"
2014 -- 2013 -- 2012

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