Movie Review - Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows (2012)

Starring Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Eva Green, Bella Heathcote, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, and Chloë Grace Moretz

Directed by Tim Burton

Edward Scissorhands.  Ed Wood.  Sleepy Hollow.  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  The Corpse Bride.  Sweeney Todd.  Alice in Wonderland.  With the exception of Sweeney Todd, the pairing of director Tim Burton with his acting stalwart Johnny Depp have almost gotten a bit worse with each progressive film.  While Dark Shadows can't quite compete with the abhorrent trip down the rabbit hole that was their last collaboration, this redo of a 1960s vampire soap opera doesn't quite gel.  I see potential around every corner with the director's latest work, but the odd mix of comedy and horror is never humorous nor scary enough to successfully satisfy the cinematic requirements of either genre.

With an appropriately creepy Gothic prologue, Burton starts things off with a perfectly morose tone.  Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) was the twentysomething son of a wealthy fishing family whose riches were enough to have a town named after them back in the late eighteenth century.  After seducing and then breaking up with the Collins' maid Angelique (Eva Green), it is discovered that the maid was in fact a witch who through her dark sorcery kills Barnabas' parents.  Some time passes and Barnabas falls for the lovely Josette (Bell Heathcote) much to the chagrin of the jealous Angelique who concocts another spell that both kills Josette and turns Barnabas into an immortal vampire whom she then locks in a coffin buried for eternity.

After those first ten minutes, I asked myself why this film had gotten such bad reviews upon its release earlier in the year.  This seemed like it was going to be a nice little creepy flick.  And that's when the tone shifted.  Barnabas' coffin is unearthed in the early 1970s and rather than focus on horror, the next ninety minutes are all about Barnabas being a fish out of water.  A tv?  It's a magic box that must be destroyed.  A McDonald's?  That must be the hang-out of Mephistopheles because of the big 'M' that adorns the sign.  It's not funny written down and it isn't any funnier in the film.  Ultimately, there's some plot about Barnabas needing to save his family's reputation.  Angelique has managed to live for these nearly two centuries and has pushed the Collins family out of the fishing industry in Collinswood by creating her own fishery.  Barnabas will stop at nothing to prevent the witch from casting his family name into the gutters.

The biggest problem here is simply that the film isn't funny.  I didn't laugh once despite Burton trying to balance both comedy and light horror elements.  The two pieces never fit together.  I'm not quite sure why Burton decided to go this route considering that the 60s soap opera was decidedly not comedic (at least in the dozen episodes or so I ventured to watch a few years ago) except to think that he felt it matched his quirky aesthetic a bit better.  Needless to say, he should have dropped the quirk.

Eva Green is the only actor in the cast who fully embraces the humorous aspects of the film.  While I still didn't laugh at anything her character said or did, Green at least attempts to breathe some life into the comedic moments.  Johnny Depp is sleepwalking through the whole thing -- he's not particularly bad, but he certainly brings nothing to the table.  The rest of the cast -- Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Chloë Moretz -- aren't given any particularly memorable moments so critiquing anything involving them would prove fruitless.

There was some potential in Dark Shadows, but I think Burton's direction (and admittedly the screenwriter's lack of focus on a particular genre) is the film's downfall.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-