Stealing Christmas

 Stealing Christmas (2003)

Starting Tony Danza, Lea Thompson, Angela Goethals, and Betty White

Directed by Gregg Champion

Written by Lloyd Gold

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating: C

Movie Review - Dr. Seuss' The Lorax

Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (2012)

Featuring the voice talent of Danny Devito, Ed Helms, Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, and Betty White

Directed by Chris Renaud

Welcome to Thneedville, a town that's plastic, fake, and devoid of a single living tree...and its residents like it that way!  In fact, they gleefully sing about swimming in water that causes them to radioactively glow and buying fresh air that has to be pumped through battery-controlled machines.  And right away within The Lorax's opening minutes, I was lost.  I've never read the book and while I can assume it's very similar to the movie, this ironically jolly song was such an utter turn-off that I was kind of disgusted right off the bat.

The anti-commercialism/pro-environmental theme runs rampant through The Lorax as I know it does through Dr. Seuss' book, but it's so nastily and blatantly hitting you over the head here that it simply reeks of obnoxiousness.  All that could have been forgiven (or at least glossed over a little bit) if the story was solid and the animation looked good, but that's unfortunately not the case.

From the team that brought us the incredibly overrated Despicable Me, The Lorax animation-wise is kind of a bust.  The lack of straight lines is very Seussian, but despite being very colorful, there was no depth to any of the scenes and all of the character animation was disappointingly one-note.  The voice acting is lukewarm at best, and I found some of the dialog to be oddly synched up with the mouth movements which is something I don't notice often in animation.

And the story is just weak.  Teenage Ted (Zac Efron) is enamored with his next door neighbor Audrey (Taylor Swift) whose one true wish is to see a real tree.  After speaking with his grandmother (the ubiquitous Betty White), Ted hears of an old man known as The Once-ler (Ed Helms) who lives outside the walls of Thneedville and who just may know where Ted can find a real tree.  Upon arriving at The Once-ler's dank and dreary residence, Ted is treated to essentially a whole movie's worth of flashbacks in which The Once-ler tells of how he single-handedly destroyed all the trees surrounding Thneedville much to the Lorax's chagrin.  The Lorax (Danny Devito) was the guardian of the forest and although he befriended The Once-ler, he could do little to compete with The Once-ler's corporate greed in taking down the trees.

Fun stuff for kids, huh?  Well, the animators fill the screen with Minion-esque humming fish and cute, cuddly bears to try and counteract the heaviness, but to adults, those additions are superfluous fluff that do nothing to enhance the story.  And the songs were so awful that I couldn't believe they made it past the preliminary drawing board stages of the movie.

It's entirely possible Theodore Geisel would have been thoroughly impressed with this eco-friendly tale, but to me it was just horribly executed and a dismal attempt at recreating a Seussian landcape.

The RyMickey Rating:  D

Movie Review - You Again

You Again (2010)

Starring Kristen Bell, Odette Yustman, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver, Victor Garber, Kristin Chenoweth, and Betty White

Directed by Andy Flickman

You Again has me in a bit of a conundrum.  I laughed much more than I thought I would watching this PG-rated comedy, but there are also uncomfortable stretches of time where the comedic pacing falls incredibly flat making this 105-minute film feel a whole lot longer than it actually is.  Parts of this movie push me to rate it higher than a 'C'; other parts are pulling me to rate it lower than a 'C.'  In this tug of war, there isn't really a winner and You Again simply falls into the middle.

In an appealing performance, Kristen Bell stars as Marni, a twenty-something gal who returns home for her brother Will's (James Wolk) wedding.  Upon arrival, Marni meets Will's fiancé Joanna (Odette Yustman) who just so happens to be the bitchy cheerleader who made Marni's life hell in high school.  While Joanna appears to be a completely different person now, she acts as if she's never met Marni which irritates the former "nerd" to no end.  Couple all that with the fact that Marni and Will's mom, Gail (Jamie Lee Curtis), and Joanna's aunt Ramona (Sigourney Weaver) were also former friends turned high school rivals and hilarity is meant to ensure.

And, like I said, humor does arise from moments, but there are times where much of the attempted laughter just doesn't work.  In particular, Betty White as Marni and Will's grandmother and Kristin Chenoweth as the wedding planner were seemingly thrown into the mix as afterthoughts to try and showcase the two actresses' talents rather than creating actual meaningful characters...and it unfortunately shows.  It's not quite a fault of White or Chenoweth, but there's just no real reason for either lady to be in the film.

Kristin Bell, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Sigourney Weaver are all game and it's actually really nice to see Curtis and Weaver on the screen again...it doesn't seem like their talents are showcased enough in this day and age.  Curtis, in particular, is a comedienne that's always rather pleasant to watch.  That said, in the end, even the talents of these lovely ladies can't quite elevate You Again to anything above average.

The RyMickey Rating:  C

Movie Review - Ponyo (2009)

Featuring the voice talent of Tina Fey, Liam Neeson, Betty White, Cate Blanchett, and Matt Damon
Written and Directed by Hayao Miyazaki

I liked the watercolor look of the film and the score.

Now that that's out of the way, let's try and explain why the rest of this film isn't any good.

Sosuke is a five year-old boy who finds a fish-like creature he names Ponyo while exploring the Japanese coastline. He brings Ponyo home and all seems well, but Ponyo's father (a human who lives under the sea in some bubble house thing) is searching for her, longing for her return. He uses his mystical powers to coerce the sea into getting her back. However, Ponyo now has "tasted human blood" and wants to be a human. Lucky for her, she has the powers to simply grow hands and feet, and through some mystical bullshit she swims up to the surface, walks on water, and finds herself back in the arms of Sosuke.

Weird enough for you yet? There's more...Sosuke and Ponyo become good friends, but as we soon find out, Ponyo's existence on the surface has caused the oceans to rise and be pulled upward by the moon's gravitational pull (or something like that). So, a bunch of the land on Earth is now underwater. The only way things can revert back to normal is if Sosuke can pass some kind of test (about love? kindness? I'm not quite sure). I guess he passed it, but not before Ponyo turns back into a fish. Susoke meets up with his mom (who leaves this five-year old unattended for nearly the whole second half of the movie) by traveling under the sea into some giant bubble that at one point is filled with air and then at the next point filled with water...it doesn't really matter what it's filled with, though, because humans can breathe and talk in it regardless of the environment. Anyway, in the end, Ponyo's a human and world order is restored (thank God!).

Odd, huh? I didn't even mention there's some weird god-like creature who I think had sex with Ponyo's father to create Ponyo and the array of smaller Ponyos that swim around like little sperm with faces and flowing red robes (I'm honestly not sure of that sex part, but I do think that this goddess and Ponyo's pop had something going on...cue the bomchickawahwah music).

Okay, so I realize that I just rambled about the story, but that's exactly what the movie does, too. It just rambles...on and on and on.

I don't get it. If I didn't get what the hell was going on, how the heck is a six-year old supposed to? I honestly can't believe that Disney is putting this out into 800 theaters this upcoming weekend. I can't imagine this thing being successful.

But, hey...it looked pretty...

The RyMickey Rating: D

Movie Review - The Proposal (2009)

Starring Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Craig T. Nelson, Mary Steenburgen, Malin Ackerman, and Betty White
Written by Peter Chiarelli
Directed by Anne Fletcher

I always kind of thought Sandra Bullock was attractive. Ever since Speed, I always liked her personality onscreen and off, despite the fact that she really hasn't starred in a bunch of good movies. So, I'll be completely honest here...I was looking forward to seeing this movie for some strange reason.

Bullock is Margaret Tate, an editor at a prestigious New York publishing company who is loathed and feared by all her employees. Her assistant Andrew (Ryan Reynolds) puts up with her only because he longs to be an editor someday and also wants a manuscript of his published. Maggie gets some awful news and is told that she is being deported back to Canada because her visa has expired. On the fly, Maggie announces that she and Andrew are marrying each other. A reluctant Andrew agrees only because Maggie agrees to help him advance in his career. In order to learn more about each other (and to prove to the INS agent that they truly are a couple), they travel to Andrew's hometown in Alaska (because things are always funnier when it's cold) and meet his wacky relatives.

The worst part of the film (and I must allow my fellow moviegoer to take credit for this) is that Maggie becomes a complete dunce as soon as she steps on the plane to Alaska. She can't wheel her luggage around; she can't walk down a ladder; she can't walk in high heels. Somehow, moving Maggie out of her "comfort zone" of NYC makes her turn into this completely idiotic bitch rather than just a complete bitch. That being said, that was really my only problem with the flick.

I actually felt like there was some chemistry between Bullock and Reynolds and both of them were perfectly fine in their roles -- even though I despised the idiocy of Bullock's character, that's not her fault. Reynolds was quite good and provided quite a bit of laughs with his dry sense of humor. The supporting cast was also certainly above par -- Craig T. Nelson (Coach!) and Mary Steenburgen were both fine as Andrew's parents, and Betty White is always a joy to watch (even if she was given some awful lines to spout). In addition, there's an amusing turn from Oscar Nuñez (best known from tv's The Office) as a jack of all trades in the small Alaskan town.

I did discover a new cinematic crush while watching this film. Joining the club that currently has Amy Adams as a member is Malin Ackerman. She plays Gertrude, Andrew's ex-girlfriend, who still holds a special place in his heart. This relationship between Andrew and Gertrude was actually a very pleasant surprise. Typically ex-girlfriends are simply portrayed as "desperate to get back their man," but this relationship was actually quite sweet.

I could certainly have just been dumb, but I wasn't quite sure where the film was headed at the end...Andrew could have easily ended up with either Maggie or Gertrude or neither. I won't spoil it for you here. The fact that it wasn't spelled out completely ahead of time was definitely nice.

Now, the movie's not perfect. Many laughs fall flat, and, like I said above, Maggie's character is pretty godawful. But, overall, it's an adequate romantic comedy.

The RyMickey Rating: C