Movie Review - Zoolander No. 2

Zoolander No. 2 (2016)

Starring Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Penélope Cruz, Kristen Wiig, Fred Armisen, Kyle Mooney, Milla Jovovich, Christine Taylor, Justin Theroux, Nathan Lee Graham, Cyrus Arnold, Billy Zane, Jon Daly, Sting, and Benedict Cumberbatch

Directed by Ben Stiller

***This film is currently streaming via Amazon Prime***

There are just as many jokes that fall flat as make you laugh out loud in Zoolander No. 2, but in the end the balance works out slightly in the film's favor with the sequel to the cultish 2001 comedy proving to not be nearly as bad as the abysmal reviews would have you believe.  No one's coming to this one hoping for a great cinematic masterpiece -- all one would want is a worthy sequel to the original which I'll admit to not having seen in years, but remember having fond memories about the ludicrousness that it brought to the screen over fifteen years ago.  Fortunately, this delivers on being an amusing piece of mindless entertainment.

And boy is it mindless.  After a prologue which details in ridiculous fashion how our title character's life fell apart following the events of the first film, ex-model Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) has become a hermit after losing custody of his son (Cyrus Arnold).  In the midst of the frozen tundra that is "Extreme Northern New Jersey," Derek receives an invite to model for a prestigious new designer in Italy.  With some coaxing, he reluctantly agrees, hoping that it would look good to the child welfare agency.  However, little does Derek know that he's going to find himself in the midst of another fashion-related conspiracy hatched by the evil designer Mugatu (Will Ferrell).

There's no mistaking Zoolander No. 2 as a "good" film, but it's so ridiculously bad that it really does almost land in that "so bad, it's good" category.  It never quite gets to that territory completely, but I laughed enough that Zoolander No. 2 was a worthwhile experience for me.  Sure, it relies much too heavily on an overabundance of dumb cameos from every aspect of pop culture -- Justin Bieber, Kiefer Sutherland, Willie Nelson, Katie Perry, and Anna Wintour pop up just to name a mere few of the boatload that spout a line or two -- but for some unknown reason, I was never upset by any of them.  Instead, I embraced this film's utter corniness and accepted the absurdity.  Apparently this isn't a popular opinion, but maybe I just watched this one at the right time in order for it to work for me.

The RyMickey Rating:  C+

Movie Review - Cymbeline

Cymbeline (2015)

Starring Ethan Hawke, Ed Harris, Milla Jovovich, John Leguizamo, Penn Badgley, Dakota Johnson, and Anton Yelchin

Directed by Michael Almereyda

Text from the opening moments of Cymbeline tells us the following about one of Shakespeare's lesser-known tales:  For years Cymbeline (Ed Harris), King of the Briton Motorcycle Club, has maintained an uneasy peace with the Roman Police Force.  The Queen (Milla Jovovich), Cymbeline's second wife, has her own agenda.  But she's losing hope that her son Cloten (Anton Yelchin) will pair up with the King's only daughter, Imogen (Dakota Johnson).  Without consulting her royal parents, Imogen decides to marry Posthumus (Penn Badgley), Cymbeline's penniless protégé.  The marriage triggers the King's rage, setting in motion a series of disastrous events.  But fortune brings in some boats that aren't steered...  I presume that the unsteered boat is Iachimo (Ethan Hawke), an acquaintance of Posthumus who sets up a wager that if he can prove to have taken Imogen's virginity he'll win a coveted ring of Posthumus's, but if he doesn't succeed, he'll have to give Posthumus money and a sword.

Quite frankly, Cymbeline feels like an amalgamation of many of Shakespeare's other works and the placement of this particular film adaptation into modern times as is written and directed by Michael Almereyda simply adds to the confusion in tone.  After we grow accustomed to the Shakespearean language (which always takes a little bit of time), the general plot of the play/film lays itself out somewhat clearly.  However, the ultimate problem with the flick is that the character of Iachimo seems sorely out of place and, seeing as how his bet with Posthumus is the integral cog to setting the plot in motion, this causes issues.  Attempting to steal a woman's virginity may have been radical in 1600s England, but by placing this story in a modern setting, this key plot point seems ludicrously childish and silly.

Although Dakota Johnson and Penn Badgley are actually quite good (and given the cast they may not seem at first glance to be the members who would really shine), nearly everyone else feels as if they're overacting, upping the dramatics in order to make us feel like we're watching "SHAKESPEARE" in ALL CAPITALS!  While I'll always appreciate a Shakespearean cinematic adaptation for simply existing, this one just doesn't work.  Being unfamiliar with the play itself, the fault may lie moreso with the original work than the film, but as it stands, there are cinematic problems running rampant here as well.

The RyMickey Rating:  D+

Movie Review - The Three Musketeers

The Three Musketeers [in 3D] (2011)

Starring Logan Lerman, Matthew Macfadyen, Milla Jovovich, Luke Evans, Ray Stevenson, Orlando Bloom, and Christoph Waltz 

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

Sometimes we don't need movies to be deep and meaningful.  Sometimes we want to go to the cinema and simply be entertained and, rather surprisingly, The Three Musketeers succeeds at being entertaining.  This certainly doesn't contain stellar acting or a fantastic script or a unique story, but director Paul W.S. Anderson's flick is fun, never boring, and quite visually appealing.

Utilizing a steampunk style in an incredibly successful manner, The Three Musketeers tells a story we've all seen before.  Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson), and Aramis (Orlando Bloom look-alike Luke Evans) are the titular trio who have been down on their luck as of late, finding themselves running out of funds to support their escapades (and their substantial alcohol consumption).  Along comes young D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman) who ignites a bit of a fire under the group and they find themselves embarking on another epic adventure involving the French king, the roi's villainous confidante Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz), and his helpful double agent Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich).

I'm well aware that this is not a great film, but it's just so goshdarn amusing to watch that it's tough to not at least join in on the fun that's displayed onscreen.  As I said, with the exception of some absolutely stunning set design, there isn't much else that could be considered stellar (although I will say that this flick makes some excellent usage of 3D...the best I've seen in awhile).  Somehow, though, the whole thing kind of works despite its faults.  Milla Jovovich took to Twitter this past weekend complaining about the lack of advertisement to promote this family friendly feature.  While I'll neither agree nor disagree with the claim of faulty promotion, I will say that this is certainly a flick that the whole family can enjoy together and be treated to an evening of fun.

The RyMickey Rating:  B-

(Remember, take a look at my ratings over to the right...a 'B-' may seem low based on my review, but this would still fall into the category of 'Still Worth Your Time')

Movie Review - Stone

Stone (2010)

Starring Robert DeNiro, Edward Norton, Milla Jovovich, and Frances Conroy

Directed by John Curran

When I saw the trailer for Stone last year, I laughed at a corn-rowed Edward Norton as he spoke in some country-urban dialect.  Fortunately, the accent didn't seem nearly as ludicrous in the midst of the actual film itself.  Unfortunately, there's no reason for this film to exist.  It's often worse to watch a film that just meanders aimlessly and never gets anywhere than a film that gets somewhere but does it horribly.  At least in the latter film, you can find reasons to actively despise it.  In a film like Stone, the story just sits there onscreen never eliciting any type of positive or negative emotion and that's a disappointment.

Part of the problem is that Robert DeNiro doesn't even seem like he's trying here.  As parole officer Jack Mabry, he's just coasting along, showing no emotion.  The storyline asks him to question his faith when convicted arsonist Gerald "Stone" Creeson (Norton) suddenly appears to find God via some unusual religion while in jail.  Not only is Jack contemplating his religious faith, but his faithfulness to his wife (Frances Conroy) also comes into play when Stone's wife, the alluring Lucetta (Milla Jovovich), attempts to do whatever necessary in order to get her husband out of jail.

Despite decent performances from Norton and Jovovich, the religious aspects of the tale bog down the whole film.  I'm guessing that there was an attempt made at offering some deep philosophical notions about the emptiness that faith can bring about in times of struggle and need, but the film just fails on that front.  For a film that appears to be denouncing the preachiness of organized religion, it ends up feeling like a Sunday sermon.

The RyMickey Rating:  D

Movie Review - A Perfect Getaway (2009)

Starring Timothy Olyphant, Kiele Sanchez, Milla Jovovich, and Steve Zahn
Written and Directed by David Twohy

This is one of those movies where they advertise a twist ending in the commercials and you can guess it before the movie even begins (Note to my brother...ding! ding! we have a winner! [sort of..]). Through some silly (or clever) writing (you be the judge if you see it), writer-director David Twohy (who also wrote The Fugitive...one of the best flicks of the last twenty years) managed to get me to doubt my initial thoughts, but I was right nonetheless. Regardless of the bitterness I hold for doubting my thoughts (and I'm a bitter, bitter man), the movie's failure lies in the fact that for a suspense flick, there's very little suspense to be had. A severe lack of tension is the flick's downfall.

Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich are a honeymooning couple in Hawaii...Zahn's the nebbish worrywart and Jovovich is the slightly more adventurous one (we know this because she talks about oral sex in front of other people...such great writing on display here). They plan to trek along some trail through the forests. They meet another couple played by Timothy Olyphant and Kiele Sanchez. He's the kooky war veteran, she's the daft Southern belle. When Zahn and Jovovich hear of a honeymooning couple being murdered on another Hawaiian island, they begin to wonder whether this new couple that they're hanging out with is the culprit.

It's tough to talk about this flick without spoiling anything (and the mere fact of me saying that there's a twist will probably ruin the flick for anyone that plans to see it, but hey, it's in the advertisements). Acting-wise, everyone seemed to be acting -- everyone felt like a character. Sure, there were a few good one-liners and Olyphant was the stand-out of the quartet, but even he felt like a caricature of a real person. Writing-wise, like I said above, Twohy tries to hide the twist, but in the end, his trickery just seems rather silly. I felt like nothing happened in this movie for the whole first 70 minutes (and nothing did happen). The final 20 is somewhat interesting, but even then I never felt like I was on the edge-of-my-seat.

The suspense genre is my favorite, so I often wonder whether I'm too harsh on these kinds of flicks, but when you don't have any sense of anxiety or dread in a movie like this, there's a problem. It wasn't awful, but, in the end, it was pointless.

The RyMickey Rating: D+