The Witches of Eastwick

 The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

Starring Jack Nicholson, Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, Veronica Cartwright, and Richard Jenkins

Directed by George Miller

Written by Michael Cristofer

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating:  C+

New Year's Eve

 New Year's Eve (2011)

Starring Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Abigail Breslin, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Zac Efron, Hector Elizondo, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Meyers, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sarah Paulson, Michelle Pfeiffer, Til Schweiger, Hilary Swank, and Sofia Vergara

Along with James Belushi, Mayor Mike Bloomberg, Matthew Broderick, Cary Elwes, Carla Gugino, Cherry Jones, John Lithgow, Ryan Seacrest, and Nat Wolff

Directed by Garry Marshall

Written by Katherine Fugate

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating: F

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019)

Starring Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Michelle Pfeiffer, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Sam Riley, Ed Skrein, Harris Dickinson, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple, and Lesley Manville

Directed by Joachin Rønning

Written by Linda Woolverton, Noah Harpster, and Micah Fitzerman-Blue

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating:  C-

Where Is Kyra?

Where Is Kyra? (2018)

Starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Kiefer Sutherland

Directed by Andrew Dosunmu

Written by Darci Picoult

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating:  B+

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

Starring Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Peña, Hannah John-Kamen, Walton Goggins, Bobby Cannavale, Judy Greer, Tip 'T.I.' Harris, Abby Ryder Forston, Randall Park, Michelle Pfeiffer, Laurence Fishburne, and Michael Douglas

Directed by Peyton Reed

Written by Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers, Paul Rudd, Andrew Barrer, and Gabriel Ferrari

Summary (in 500 words or less):  Back in the 1980s, Janet van Dyne (Michelle Pfeiffer) becomes trapped in the microscopic quantum realm by shrinking herself too small as she successfully disabled a Russian nuclear missile.  Back in the present day, Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) is on house arrest being monitored by the FBI after assisting Captain America a few years prior with the events of "Captain America: Civil War."  One evening, Scott has a wild dream wherein he sees himself as Janet van Dyne.  Utterly confused, he calls Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) and his daughter Hope van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly) who have all but excommunicated him after the events of the prior Ant-Man film and Civil War.  Upon hearing Scott's dream, however, they determine that Scott's visit to the quantum realm in the first Ant-Man film has somehow connected him to Janet and they hope that Scott can help reunite them with their wife and mother.  

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating:  B-

mother!

mother! (2017)

Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris, Michelle Pfeiffer, Domhnall Gleeson, and Kristen Wiig

Directed by Darren Aronofsky

Written by Darren Aronofsky

Summary (in 500 words or less):  A woman known only as "mother" (Jennifer Lawrence) has recently moved into a large under-renovation home with her husband, a struggling poet known only as "Him" (Javier Bardem).  When a man (Ed Harris) shows up on their doorstep, Him invites the man only much to the chagrin of mother.  The man overstays his welcome, in fact inviting his wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) to the home where their sexually charged repartee doesn't sit well with mother.  Eventually more members of the man's family show up causing much chaos.  Eventually, mother becomes pregnant...which opens up a whole other can of beans and sets the story reeling in all kinds of directions.

• Had I not known the allegorical nature of this piece prior to watching it, I would've undoubtedly hated it.  However, knowing what writer-director Darren Aronofsky was going for made me appreciate it much more.  So then that begs the question -- if the writer/director hasn't explained things enough that you need background before you go into a movie, is the movie a success?  My rating below showcases that I'm not sure I know the answer to that question.
• mother! is an allegorical retelling of Earth's creation, Adam and Eve, and how temptation changes the landscape of all our lives.  Not exactly a story that would appeal to the masses in a cinematic manner and the film proved to be an epic failure at the box office in part because it was marketed as a horror film -- while it certainly has all the markings of a horror film, it's not "scary" in a jump-out-of-your-seat kind of manner.  What's scary is Aronofsky's tension-filled direction as we see this story unfold through the eyes of "mother" and the chaos that's slowly tearing her world apart.  
• Jennifer Lawrence is by no means my favorite actress -- in fact, I think she's a bit overrated -- but she's perfectly capable here and held my attention throughout.  It's also quite nice to see Michelle Pfeiffer onscreen again in a surprisingly sultry, sexy role that she more than adequately tackles.
• mother! is the type of movie that I may watch again a few years down the line and appreciate even more in large part because I think that what Aronofsky is trying to do here is utterly unique.  That said, it certainly isn't going to appeal to the masses and it gets a bit too messy in its final act to really pull me in completely.  However, for those who call themselves cinephiles, I'd give this one a go if you passed on it in theaters like I did.  You're in for, at the very least, an interesting experience.  My recommendation, however, is to google "darren aronofsky mother allegory symbolism" before you do so and prep yourself with what each actor is signifying.  It'll be tremendously beneficial if you do.

The RyMickey Rating:  either a B or a D

Murder on the Orient Express

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Starring Kenneth Branagh, Penelope Cruz, Willem Dafoe, Judi Dench, Johnny Depp, Josh Gad, Derek Jacobi, Leslie Odom, Jr., Michelle Pfeiffer, and Daisy Ridley

Directed by Kenneth Branagh

Written by Michael Green

Summary (in 500 words or less): Detective Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) embarks on what should be a pleasant train ride only to discover that a murder has occurred.  The only possible culprits are those on the train and it's up to Poirot to figure out whodunit before the train reaches its destination...and before they strike again.

• Kenneth Branagh's Murder on the Orient Express feels like it could have been made decades prior to this one.  That's not a bad thing, however, in this fast-paced culture in which we live, even I feel like this one could've stood to have a bit more life injected into it.  The pace proves to be a bit too slow.
• It's fun to see a big cast like this and the film's twists and turns allow most of them to ham it up every now and again with some overly dramatic moments.  The cheesy corniness works in a film like this and isn't ever laughable, but instead adds to the overall aesthetic.  
• That said, while the actors' corniness isn't laughable, the story often is.  The plot's surprise mystery twists just end up seeming too convoluted to be even moderately believable.  Sure, the screenwriter is simply following in the footsteps of Agatha Christie's book...but that doesn't mean Agatha Christie's book was any good.  Sometimes simpler is better, but in my few experiences with Christie -- via movies, plays, or books -- she doesn't follow that mantra...and it doesn't always work with modern-day audiences.

The RyMickey Rating:  C+

Movie Review - The Family

The Family (2013)

Starring Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Dianna Agron, John D'Leo, and Tommy Lee Jones

Directed by Luc Besson

***This film is currently streaming on Netflix***

After a promising opening half hour, the family in The Family begins to wear a little thin.  Robert De Niro is patriarch Giovanni Manzoni, a mob boss who squealed on members of his crime syndicate.  For the past several years, Giovanni has been traveling through Europe with his family under various aliases while being protected by FBI agents (led by a gruff Tommy Lee Jones).  Unfortunately, Manzoni -- who has now taken on the pseudonym of Fred Blake -- can't quite leave his mobster ways behind which forces him to have to uproot his family often whenever he reverts back to his old ways, gets angry, and kills someone.  His family -- wife Maggie (Michelle Pfeiffer), daughter Belle (Dianna Agron), and son Warren (John D'Leo) -- have toughened up because of this and are starting to pick up some of their family patriarch's ways of revenge.

As we get to know the Manzoni/Blake family, things are actually pretty promising in Luc Besson's film.  However, we soon realize that the folks that Manzoni ratted out a decade ago are on a manhunt for him.  This, unfortunately, is when the film starts to falter.  Rather surprisingly, when it aims for humor, the film succeeds, but the mob revenge plot is a huge failure, lacking any tension or emotional impact.

Michelle Pfeiffer is game as a mobster's moll providing quite a few laughs and young John D'Leo is a true standout as the tough, New York-accented teen who doesn't quite fit in with the kids in Normandy, France (the family's latest hometown).  Unfortunately, the performances aren't enough to breathe life into a plot that nearly put me to sleep.

The RyMickey Rating:  D+

Movie Review - Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows (2012)

Starring Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Eva Green, Bella Heathcote, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, and Chloë Grace Moretz

Directed by Tim Burton

Edward Scissorhands.  Ed Wood.  Sleepy Hollow.  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  The Corpse Bride.  Sweeney Todd.  Alice in Wonderland.  With the exception of Sweeney Todd, the pairing of director Tim Burton with his acting stalwart Johnny Depp have almost gotten a bit worse with each progressive film.  While Dark Shadows can't quite compete with the abhorrent trip down the rabbit hole that was their last collaboration, this redo of a 1960s vampire soap opera doesn't quite gel.  I see potential around every corner with the director's latest work, but the odd mix of comedy and horror is never humorous nor scary enough to successfully satisfy the cinematic requirements of either genre.

With an appropriately creepy Gothic prologue, Burton starts things off with a perfectly morose tone.  Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) was the twentysomething son of a wealthy fishing family whose riches were enough to have a town named after them back in the late eighteenth century.  After seducing and then breaking up with the Collins' maid Angelique (Eva Green), it is discovered that the maid was in fact a witch who through her dark sorcery kills Barnabas' parents.  Some time passes and Barnabas falls for the lovely Josette (Bell Heathcote) much to the chagrin of the jealous Angelique who concocts another spell that both kills Josette and turns Barnabas into an immortal vampire whom she then locks in a coffin buried for eternity.

After those first ten minutes, I asked myself why this film had gotten such bad reviews upon its release earlier in the year.  This seemed like it was going to be a nice little creepy flick.  And that's when the tone shifted.  Barnabas' coffin is unearthed in the early 1970s and rather than focus on horror, the next ninety minutes are all about Barnabas being a fish out of water.  A tv?  It's a magic box that must be destroyed.  A McDonald's?  That must be the hang-out of Mephistopheles because of the big 'M' that adorns the sign.  It's not funny written down and it isn't any funnier in the film.  Ultimately, there's some plot about Barnabas needing to save his family's reputation.  Angelique has managed to live for these nearly two centuries and has pushed the Collins family out of the fishing industry in Collinswood by creating her own fishery.  Barnabas will stop at nothing to prevent the witch from casting his family name into the gutters.

The biggest problem here is simply that the film isn't funny.  I didn't laugh once despite Burton trying to balance both comedy and light horror elements.  The two pieces never fit together.  I'm not quite sure why Burton decided to go this route considering that the 60s soap opera was decidedly not comedic (at least in the dozen episodes or so I ventured to watch a few years ago) except to think that he felt it matched his quirky aesthetic a bit better.  Needless to say, he should have dropped the quirk.

Eva Green is the only actor in the cast who fully embraces the humorous aspects of the film.  While I still didn't laugh at anything her character said or did, Green at least attempts to breathe some life into the comedic moments.  Johnny Depp is sleepwalking through the whole thing -- he's not particularly bad, but he certainly brings nothing to the table.  The rest of the cast -- Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Chloë Moretz -- aren't given any particularly memorable moments so critiquing anything involving them would prove fruitless.

There was some potential in Dark Shadows, but I think Burton's direction (and admittedly the screenwriter's lack of focus on a particular genre) is the film's downfall.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-

Movie Review - A Midsummer Night's Dream

A Midsummer Night's Dream (1999)

Starring Christian Bale, Calista Flockhart, Dominic West, Anna Friel, Rupert Everett, David Strathairn, Stanley Tucci, Kevin Kline, and Michelle Pfeiffer

Directed by Michael Hoffman

I liked this movie more before I watched a recent stage production of Shakespeare's lighthearted comedy.  However, after watching the Bard's words performed live onstage, the movie's faults began to surface and one begins to realize that watching this many "celebrities" perform Shakespeare makes you focus more on the stars (and their lackluster acting) than the actual story.

I'm not going to delve into a summary (that's what sparknotes.com is for when it comes to Shakespeare's works), but I'll simply say that A Midsummer Night's Dream tells the tale of the meeting of the human world and fairy world.  Wacky mayhem (at least wacky in terms of Shakespeare) ensues.  One portion of the tale deals with young lovers while another looks at a lower class group of actors trying to put on a play for the upper class.  The young lovers side (for the most part) works, but the "play within a play" aspect kind of fails.

Christian Bale and Dominic West are both capable of performing Shakespeare's words as the two men who are vying for Hermia's affections.  Anna Friel as Hermia is far and away the best actor in the film and anytime she was onscreen, it made me want to watch her now-cancelled tv show Pushing Daisies.  

While those three young actors fare well, the "bigger" stars at the time of the film's release -- Calista Flockhart, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Kevin Kline -- aren't as successful at relaying Shakespeare's words.  Kline, in particular, just didn't work for me.  Watching this and then watching the play made me dislike Kline's take on the comedic character of Nick Bottom even more.  Kline goes over-the-top and while that works onstage, it doesn't onscreen.  

The film looks pretty and rich, and, in the end, it's certainly not a bad Shakespeare adaptation.  Still, the back-to-back viewing of A Midsummer Night's Dream on film and then stage made me realize that I think the stage may be the best place to view the Bard's work.

The RyMickey Rating:  C

Movie Review - Chéri (2009)

Starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathy Bates, and Rupert Friend
Directed by Stephen Frears

I must admit that I started out pretty darn confused in this movie. Considering that the only thing I knew about it was what was contained in the poster, I assumed that Michelle Pfeiffer was playing some woman name Chéri. Well, Chéri is a guy who falls for Pfeiffer's Lea, a courtesan. Chéri (Rupert Friend) and Lea begin a six-year love affair, much to the chagrin of Chéri's mother (Kathy Bates).

I'm thinking this movie is supposed to take place in 19th century France, but no one has French accents. Each character has fancy French names, but they have British accents and the accents of Pfeiffer and Bates fade in and out whenever they see fit. At times, there's witty banter between Lea and Chéri's mother, but at other times, the dialogue fell completely flat.

The acting is pretty darn weak across the board with Pfeiffer leading the way in disappointment. She isn't helped by the weak script. For a movie that's supposed to be romantic, there's very little romance to be had. We were supposed to believe that Chéri and Lea were in desperately in love, but I never once got a sense that their relationship was anything other than a sexual one.

It should be noted that this movie was only 85 minutes long, but it felt like an exorbitantly long two hours. I really couldn't wait for this to be over. When all you can say about a movie is that the period costumes looked nice and the musical score was interesting, there's something wrong with your flick.

The RyMickey Rating: D