Movie Review - The Loft

The Loft (2015)

Starring Karl Urban, James Marsden, Wentworth Miller, Eric Stonestreet, Matthias Schoenaerts, Isabel Lucas, and Rachael Tayler

Directed by Erik Van Looy

***This film is currently streaming on Netflix***

There is not a single character in The Loft that stands on any moralistic ground.  And it's not even just that everyone is such a deplorable character, it's that there's not even a modicum of pleasantness in anyone.  If you look at movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas, you can at least say, "Hey, these guys are all crooks...but they love their families!"  In The Loft, the five main male characters who purchase a loft together as a sex pad for their out-of-welock dalliances have no love for anyone or anything except for their hormones which appear to be constantly telling them to screw someone other than their wives.

In an attempt to demonize these men a little bit for being such jerks, a female acquaintance of one (or more?) of the men is found murdered in the loft one morning.  This causes the group of friends pointing fingers at one another in order to try and determine which of them (if any) is responsible for the murder.  With every twist and turn, The Loft's ludicrousness grows and grows.  By the end, you're hoping that the entire quintet of male actors ends up going to jail for the crime.

Karl Urban with his stolid demeanor and James Marsden as the "nice guy" are moderately compelling leads, but Eric Stonestreet and Wentworth Miller really should just stick to tv, with Miller particularly growing more laughable as the film progresses.  And the less said about the wooden Isabel Lucas the better.  She landed on my Worst Actor's List a few years ago and I'm already keeping a spot warm for her for next year's RyMickey Awards.

Ultimately, you're supposed to be rooting for these guys to find out who killed this woman in their loft, but the only thing you're rooting for is for them all to get their comeuppance.  Their deplorable actions create an atmosphere where you always find yourself cringing rather than enjoying the experience.

The RyMickey Rating:  D

Movie Review - Red Dawn

Red Dawn (2012)

Starring Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck, Adrianne Palicki, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Directed by Dan Bradley

As a conservative, I probably should be falling head over heels for the remake of Red Dawn, a jingoistic Republican fantasy with a rallying cry for American freedom.  Hell, there's even a line in the film about a lesser military spending leading to a weakened national defense thereby allowing the North Koreans to invade the northwestern corner of the nation (or maybe all of the US...that was never really made clear), run rampant over the local governments, and begin the process of forcing us Americans to our knees.  But the fact remains that Red Dawn is an awful movie.  Horrible dialog.  Disappointing acting.  Poorly edited.  You name it and it was likely pretty pitiful.

The biggest problem isn't with the overarching story of the North Korean takeover of the US, but with the insignificant and poorly explicated character relationships.  Right off the bat, we're supposed to feel for brothers Jed and Mack Eckert (Chris Hemsworth and Josh Peck) because Jed's been off in Iraq and has left Mack at home.  I guess the separation caused some issues to develop, but their dad (Brett Cullen) tries to bring the two boys together.  And, of course, the story forces them to bond and become best buds.  There are two incredibly tired and hastily perfunctory love stories thrown into the mix as well, neither of which are developed enough to provide even a modicum of reason for them existing.  [I won't even get started on actresses Adrianne Palicki and Isabel Lucas and their "acting" here...although I will ask the public if Ms. Lucas was trying to hide her Australian accent or if her character was supposed to be from The Land Down Under because that Aussie lilt more often than not made its presence known.]

The whole thing really is a mess with there being nary a technical or story-based aspect that truly shines.  The one bright spot of the film is that Hemsworth actually proves to be moderately adept at carrying a film.  I was somewhat impressed with his role in Thor and this proves that there may be some type of slight star quality present to carry a crappy action movie here or there in his future.  He's pretty much wasted here, however.

It's fairly obvious to see why this one was held in limbo for over two years and just finally found a release.  I think that the concept would actually permit a good movie to be made (maybe the 1984 original is solid -- I've never seen it), but the sun should've set on this version of Red Dawn before it even got off the drawing board.

The RyMickey Rating:  D