Tour de Pharmacy

 Tour de Pharmacy (2017)

Starring Andy Samberg, Orlando Bloom, Freddie Highmore, Daveed Diggs, John Cena, Jeff Goldblum, Julia Ormond, Danny Glover, Dolph Lundgren, James Marsden, Will Forte, Maya Rudolph, Kevin Bacon, Nathan Fielder, and Lance Armstrong

Directed by Jake Szymanski

Written by Murray Miller

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating:  B-

Movie Review - The Three Musketeers

The Three Musketeers [in 3D] (2011)

Starring Logan Lerman, Matthew Macfadyen, Milla Jovovich, Luke Evans, Ray Stevenson, Orlando Bloom, and Christoph Waltz 

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

Sometimes we don't need movies to be deep and meaningful.  Sometimes we want to go to the cinema and simply be entertained and, rather surprisingly, The Three Musketeers succeeds at being entertaining.  This certainly doesn't contain stellar acting or a fantastic script or a unique story, but director Paul W.S. Anderson's flick is fun, never boring, and quite visually appealing.

Utilizing a steampunk style in an incredibly successful manner, The Three Musketeers tells a story we've all seen before.  Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson), and Aramis (Orlando Bloom look-alike Luke Evans) are the titular trio who have been down on their luck as of late, finding themselves running out of funds to support their escapades (and their substantial alcohol consumption).  Along comes young D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman) who ignites a bit of a fire under the group and they find themselves embarking on another epic adventure involving the French king, the roi's villainous confidante Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz), and his helpful double agent Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich).

I'm well aware that this is not a great film, but it's just so goshdarn amusing to watch that it's tough to not at least join in on the fun that's displayed onscreen.  As I said, with the exception of some absolutely stunning set design, there isn't much else that could be considered stellar (although I will say that this flick makes some excellent usage of 3D...the best I've seen in awhile).  Somehow, though, the whole thing kind of works despite its faults.  Milla Jovovich took to Twitter this past weekend complaining about the lack of advertisement to promote this family friendly feature.  While I'll neither agree nor disagree with the claim of faulty promotion, I will say that this is certainly a flick that the whole family can enjoy together and be treated to an evening of fun.

The RyMickey Rating:  B-

(Remember, take a look at my ratings over to the right...a 'B-' may seem low based on my review, but this would still fall into the category of 'Still Worth Your Time')

Movie Review - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)

Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush, Bill Nighy, and Chow-Yun Fat

Directed by Gore Verbinski

And just like that, any goodwill the Pirates of the Caribbean series earned with the second film, Dead Man's Chest, is tossed aside thanks to the third film, At World's End.  All the fun and adventure that was present in the former is bogged down by darkness and dreariness in the latter.  Even if we were to put aside the storyline that is rife with innumerable and incomprehensible double crossings, At World's End doesn't even look good, awash in muted grays and blacks, monotone in its drabness -- there's nothing even visually appealing to latch onto.

At World's End picks up soon where Dead Man's Chest left off, continuing many of the same storylines revolving around pirates Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), and Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and their attempts to stave off the onslaughts of both the "evil" British Navy and man-fish hybrid Davy Jones (Bill Nighy).   Honestly, I can't even begin to detail what's actually happening in this flick.  Characters backstab others nearly every ten minutes, allegiances change at the drop of a hat, and no action occurs until the film's final forty minutes battle (after a never-ending talky two hours prior to that) during which it's near impossible to tell what's going on because every single person and every single ship looks exactly the same -- muddied and dank-looking.

Much moreso than in the past movies, mysticism and magic play a big role and it's not for the better.  By the end, the screenwriters abandoned any sense of cohesive story.  I'd even go so far as to say they threw up the middle finger to the viewers by abandoning all logic and essentially saying "screw you" to loyal fans.  In an attempt to feel very epic in scope and story, they just made a very uninteresting and unappealing conclusion to what was expected to be the final chapter of a trilogy.  Here's opening the fourth flick can revive a bit of adventure, excitement, and humor of the second flick.

The RyMickey Rating:  D

Movie Review - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy, Stellan Skarsgård, and Jack Davenport

Directed by Gore Verbinski

I realize this isn't necessarily popular opinion, but I think the second flick of the Pirates saga -- Dead Man's Chest -- is actually a fairly solid effort and better than the first film.  While Chest lacks the absurd humor and overall charm of Black Pearl, it more than makes up for that in its solid action scenes and more cohesive story.

Rather surprisingly, I couldn't help but think Johnny Depp's kooky Jack Sparrow got pushed a bit to the wayside in this one with Orlando Bloom taking on more of a leading role with his character of Will Turner finding himself fighting to free his father (Stellan Skarsgård) from a life of indentured servitude at the hands (or, more fittingly, claws) of Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), a half-man, half-tentacled sea creature.  That said, Sparrow certainly plays a key role in a film that pits nearly all of its main characters -- Jack, Will and Elizabeth (Keira Knightley), and Davy Jones -- against one another in a quest to gain their respective freedoms (of which I'm not going to discuss seeing as how nearly everyone in the world other than me had seen this flick given that it's the fourth highest grossing film of all time).

For someone that didn't particularly like when the first film placed its focus on Will and Elizabeth, I greatly appreciated that Dead Man's Chest gave everyone a solid storyline instead of just Jack Sparrow.  If you're going to have three main characters, it's best to give all three something to do and this flick does that a lot better than Black Pearl. It also helps this film immensely that the action sequences are a bit better staged and we don't need the background set-up that is always present in the first movies of any series.  Granted, I can't help but think that director Gore Verbinski could have edited things down a bit (I didn't really need to see three Kraken attacks...two would have sufficed), but overall, this is a solid action film that fares a bit better than its predecessor.

The RyMickey Rating:  B

Movie Review - Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Starring Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, and Jonathan Pryce

Directed by Gore Verbinski

There's nothing wrong per se with Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, but I can't help but feel that it lacks the fun and excitement of my favorite action-adventure films (like the Indiana Jones series or Romancing the Stone).  Sure, Johnny Depp created quite an iconic character in his Oscar-nominated constantly nonsensical Jack Sparrow.  His character and performance is certainly fun to watch, but the film feels interminably long at moments.  There's no need for this affair to go on for 135 minutes (which makes me wonder how the heck I'm going to make it through installments two and three which are even longer...yes, I've never seen them).

Unfortunately, it just feels like there's not a cohesive storyline throughout.  Sure, there's the overarching tale about Sparrow attempting to seek revenge against Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), a pirate who several years ago mutinously abandoned Sparrow on a deserted island taking Sparrow's ship and crew under his control. That alone would have been enough (and would have proven to be successful), but throwing in the wooden and dull star-crossed lovers Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) just bog down the proceedings.  I just couldn't get myself to care about either of these two young lovebirds and that's what hurts the film when compared to the mystical, magical, adventurous storyline revolving around Sparrow and Barbossa.

In the end, I'm probably sounding a bit harsher than I'd like.  The film is certainly amusing and a solid summer action picture.  It's just that with a little more trimming, it could have been a real classic.

The RyMickey Rating:  B-

Movie Review - New York, I Love You (2009)

Starring Jacinda Barrett, Rachel Bilson, Orlando Bloom, Hayden Christensen, Julie Christie, Bradley Cooper, Chris Cooper, Drea de Matteo, Andy Garcia, Ethan Hawke, Shia LaBeouf, Cloris Leachman, Robin Wright Penn, Natalie Portman, Christina Ricci, Qi Shu, Eli Wallach, and Anton Yelchin
Directed by 11 Directors of Varying Talent

I certainly haven't seen many short film collections, but it seems a difficult, unenviable task to assemble an anthology such as this. There's bound to be some works that are better than others and, when placed next to these intriguing shorts, all the other shorts pale in comparison. That's the case in New York, I Love You where you'll find three really good short films, but the other seven or so fall flat (or, at the very best, are simply adequate) and bog the film down.

Let's start with the good:

• My favorite segment was by director Allen Hughes starring Bradley Cooper and Drea de Matteo as two lovers who are contemplating the ramifications of their one-night stand. The short jumps back and forth between the two actors as the story is told through a voiceover depicting their thoughts and flashbacks to their sensual night before.
• Another winner was a segment starring Ethan Hawke and Qi Shu, directed by Yvan Attel. Hawke spends five minutes trying to bed married gal Shu whom he meets smoking on an NYC sidewalk. Little does he know that she's able to one-up him in the end. Later in the film, there's a segment starring Robin Wright Penn and Chris Cooper that appears to be very much the same story with the woman, Wright Penn, taking over Hawke's role. As I was watching it, I couldn't help but notice the similarity and I wondered to myself, why would they allow two shorts in this film to have such a similar storyline? Little did I know that they were directed by the same guy.
• The only other segment that I really enjoyed was directed by Joshua Marston and stars Cloris Leachman and Eli Wallach as an elderly couple celebrating their anniversary by returning to a memorable NYC landmark for them. Quite funny and beautifully acted by the two folks.

Unfortunately, after that, everything starts to go downhill. The segment Natalie Portman directed about a young girl and her father was alright (and starred one of my first crushes, Jacinda Barrett -- "Real World"er turned actress), but it wasn't anything special. And the segment that Portman starred in about some odd relationship between a Yiddish woman and an Indian man was awful.

In fact, the first three segments of this movie (of which Portman's starring role occurred in the middle) were awful. Starting the movie with the reteaming of Jumper stars Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson was a huge mistake. Bilson's a beauty to look at, but she can't act and Christensen was horrendous. And short #3 about Orlando Bloom as a composer was not good, either.

I haven't even discussed the obnoxiously pretentious segment about remembering one's youth starring Julie Christie and Shia LaBouef. The way it was filmed, it felt like I was watching some really expensive perfume commercial. Ugh.

The acting was all over the place -- some good performances (both Coopers, Hawke, Leachman, and Wallach) and some awful ones (Christensen, Bilson, Andy Garcia, Anton Yelchin) -- as was the direction.

Despite the fact that there were some good segments here, it just didn't work for me. And it certainly didn't seem to showcase New York City to me at all. In fact, the city came off as kind of drab.

The RyMickey Rating: D+