Movie Review - Premium Rush

Premium Rush (2012)

Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michael Shannon, Dania Ramirez, and Jamie Chung

Directed by David Koepp

Premium Rush is essentially an eighty-minute long chase sequence, and for a movie that's all about a race to the finish to be lacking in any drive or excitement that has to be considered a disappointment.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt is Wilee, a bicycle courier in New York City.  It's a somewhat dangerous profession navigating the busy streets of NYC, but Wilee thrives on the rush it gives him.  One afternoon, Wilee is dispatched to a local university to pick up an envelope from, as it turns out, his girlfriend's roommate Nima (Jamie Chung) and deliver it to a location in Chinatown.  Almost as soon as he gets the envelope, Wilee is confronted by a man who states he's Nima's boss demanding that Wilee return the delivery.  When Wilee refuses, the man (played by Michael Shannon) sets out to track Wilee down and do whatever is necessary in order to obtain the contents of that envelope.

Premium Rush knows it's pure fluff and pure fluff is fine sometimes, but something doesn't quite click here.  Michael Shannon is over-the-top (and not in a good way) as the neurotic man who demands the envelope be handed over to him.  As his character's secrets are revealed and Shannon chews more and more of the scenery around him, my eyes began to roll a bit in frustration.  Gordon-Levitt shows that he can ride a bike...but he isn't given much else to do except pedal and constantly look behind him to see if he's being tailed.

The film has some fun with jumping around in time and it certainly is a gimmick that makes a throwaway film like this a bit more enjoyable.  Unfortunately, as the pieces of the puzzle begin to come together, I didn't care much about the final product.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-

Movie Review - The Devil Inside

The Devil Inside (2012)

Starring Fernanda Andrade, Simon Quarterman, Evan Helmuth, Ionut Grama, and Suzan Crowley

Directed by William Brent Bell

***This film is currently streaming on Netflix***

Nearly a year ago today, The Devil Inside made over $38 million its opening weekend only to drop by over 70% in weekend #2.  The moviegoing public is generally a very forgiving group, but the CinemaScore rating (whoever the heck they are and where they tally their votes is unknown to me) of opening night filmgoers was an 'F', a rare occurrence.  Seeing as how I often enjoy horror movies that the general public doesn't rally behind (see Orphan and Let Me In as two examples of fantastic scary movies as of late), I figured I'd give this one a go.  For the most part, despite forking over the massive amount of dough in its first weekend, the public got this one right.

Set up as a fake documentary (because when you want to make cheap horror movies, that's obviously what you must do in this day and age), The Devil Inside follows twentysomething Isabella Rossi (Fernanda Andrade) on a trip to the Vatican.  Her mother Maria (Suzan Crowley) resides in a mental institution in Italy after having killed three people during an exorcism being performed on her nearly twenty years prior.  Isabella hopes to learn whether her mother truly is possessed by the devil or if she's simply mentally disturbed.  With the help of both an ordained and excommunicated priest (Evan Helmuth and Simon Quarterman), Isabella and her videographer Michael (Ionut Grama) set out to find out the truth about her mother.

I will admit that I was surprisingly intrigued during the film's first half.  I was impressed by the fact that director and co-screenwriter William Brent Bell was taking his time, not throwing many scares our way.  This was a "documentary" after all, so there was an amount of realism in the restraint he held.  However, I expected there to be a bit of a payoff and, in the end, there really wasn't.  There's been a lot of ire spewed towards this film because the ending tells the audience to visit a website to find out more info.  While certainly tacky (and unhelpful as the website contains no info that advances the story in any way), the film has a definitive ending so it didn't bother me nearly as much as everyone else.  Still, The Devil Inside contains the same old exorcism tomfoolery we've seen in other movies and fails to provide a unique take on the genre.

The RyMickey Rating:  D+

Movie Review - Butter

Butter (2012)

Starring Jennifer Garner, Ty Burrell, Olivia Wilde, Alicia Silverstone, Rob Corddry, Yara Shahidi, and Hugh Jackman

Directed by Jim Field Smith

***This film is currently streaming on Netflix***

For some reason or another, Butter got trashed by the critics upon its very limited release earlier this year.  While it's a skewering of sorts of Midwestern conservatives, it's only a mild roasting and from this conservative's perspective, there are times when we deserve some slight jabs aimed our way.  I think maybe some felt Butter didn't go far enough, but I thought it was a surprisingly amusing comedy with some decent performances and a pleasant enough script that never overstays its welcome at any point.

In Iowa, butter carving is a huge pastime, taking a coveted prime spot at the State Fair.  For the past fifteen years, Bob Pickler (Ty Burrell) has been the champ, creating such memorable carvings as the holocaust-themed Schindler's List sculpture in 1995 or this past year's epic The Last Supper.  However, the governing board of the butter carving contest has told Bob that the time has come for him to relinquish his crown and allow someone else to have an opportunity to succeed.  While Bob agrees, his wife Laura (Jennifer Garner) is disgusted with the notion, afraid that she is going to lose the high profile awareness that comes with her gig as the wife of the best butter carver in Iowa.  Laura sets out at becoming an expert carver herself and all would seem to be going according to her plan until ten year-old Destiny (Yara Shahidi) decides to enter the competition.  A young African-American girl living with her new foster parents (Alicia Silverstone and Rob Corddry), Destiny discovers that she is fantastically adept at carving the yellow dairy product and sets up quite a showdown between herself and Laura.

There are some nice performances peppered throughout.  Jennifer Garner was over-the-top, but the role required that level of insanity to a certain degree, and I think she has proven with this and a few other roles that she's a nice comedienne.  Ty Burrell is actually nicely subdued and I found it a welcome change of pace for the sometimes frantic (though very funny) character he plays on Modern Family.  Yara Shahidi was great despite the fact that the screenwriter wanted to make her "wiser beyond her years."  Oftentimes that can prove excruciatingly annoying, but Shahidi was able to reel it in a bit and at least act like a kid.

Surprisingly, the best role in the whole flick comes from Rob Corddry and no one is more shocked than me to be saying that.  Corddry plays Destiny's foster dad Ethan and there's something incredibly natural when he's onscreen with young Shahidi.  His character never talks down to this kid who's been shipped from foster home to foster home because he knows she's been through a lot in her short life.  He recognizes that she's young, but he treats her with respect and kindness.  Considering other things I've seen Corddry in, I was shocked that he had this simple, down-to-earth, "dad" character in him...so big kudos to him.

Butter isn't some fantastic film, but I had a heckuva good time with it.  Granted, there are some faults -- Hugh Jackman pops in more than halfway through in a role he likely did as a favor for someone and Olivia Wilde plays an Asian stripper who, while quite funny, felt a tiny bit out of place -- but overall, this is well worth the ninety minutes it'll take you to watch it via Netflix's streaming.

The RyMickey Rating:  B

Theater Review - The Mystery of Edwin Drood

The Mystery of Edwin Drood

Music, Lyrics, and Book by Rupert Holmes

Directed by Scott Ellis

Where: Studio 54, New York, NY

When: Saturday, December 29, 2pm

Back in lower and middle school I was fascinated with a series of books called "Choose Your Own Adventures."  You'd get to the end of a page and have either two or three choices telling you to turn to a certain page, allowing you to determine the outcome of the book.  The Mystery of Edwin Drood playing in Broadway's Studio 54 theater is a "Choose Your Own Adventure" brought to real life.  Unfortunately, despite the amusing aspect of the audience being able to choose multiple facets of the story for the actors to perform on the spot, a musical without great music is a bit of a bummer and that's the case here.

Charles Dickens' last novel was a murder mystery revolving around the death of a man named Edwin Drood, but the author died before he was able to finish his work.  The play's book writer Rupert Holmes took this concept of an unfinished novel and ran with it, creating a musical set in a late 19th century music hall in England with a troupe of actors taking on the roles.  During Act I, we meet Edwin Drood (played by female Stephanie J. Block as the troupe didn't have enough talented males to take on the role presumably) and discover that multiple people have reason to kill him.  As Act II rolls around, the play comes to a stop at the exact point that Mr. Dickens failed to pick up his pen again and the troupe turns to the audience to determine Drood's killer, the person who will take on the role of the detective who will solve the case, and two lovers (simply because all plays must end on an up note and what's more pleasant than love).

This audience participation aspect is admittedly enjoyable...but the rest of the show, not so much.  I can deal with the notion that this being set in a rowdy 1895 London music hall and that the story would be told in a straight-foward, tongue-in-cheek, and comedic manner in order to appeal to the masses at that time.  I totally understand that premise and can get behind that.  The fault isn't in the story, but rather in the music.  There's really not a memorable song among the bunch and the songs really do nothing to advance the plot.  Actors aren't given "wow" moments, but they aren't given nice reflective moments either.  With no showstoppers or purposeful plot-driven songs, the whole thing fell flat.  

The actors were okay, but I think the play itself just fails them from being able to give memorable performances.  I don't really know anything about her except that she's a "theater legend" for winning multiple Tonys, but it was nice to see nearly eighty year-old Chita Rivera onstage still performing her heart out eight shows a week.  Will Chase, who recently appeared on NBC's Smash, probably had the best role in terms of making an impact by song and he can belt a tune quite well.

It certainly doesn't help that the sound system made some of the singing nearly indecipherable (although some of that fault lies with the performers as well, particularly Jessie Mueller who as the Egyptian Helena Landless was incomprehensible...which is why it was even more of a shame when she was voted the murderer by our audience).  Still, The Mystery of Edwin Drood simply didn't work for me.  It's been well-received in NYC getting some of the best reviews of the season, but it proved to be a disappointment.  

Movie Review - Trouble with the Curve

Trouble with the Curve (2012)

Starring Clint Eastwood, Amy Adams, Justin Timberlake, John Goodman, Matthew Lillard, and Robert Patrick

Directed by Robert Lorenz

No one will ever mistake me for a Clint Eastwood fan.  As a director, I think he's as boring as they come.  As an actor, I think he can't exude any emotion beyond gruffness.  Although he didn't direct Trouble with the Curve, this 2012 flick didn't do anything to change my opinion on the guy.

It should come as no surprise that Eastwood is playing a grizzled old man.  In this instance, he's Gus, a long-time baseball scout for the Atlanta Braves, who finds himself heading to check out a southern high school hitting prospect.  However, Gus isn't a young guy anymore and he discovers that his eyesight is making it very difficult for him to see both the pitches and the hitter's reaction to them.  Gus's boss and friend Pete (John Goodman) gets in touch with Mickey (Amy Adams), Gus's daughter, and convinces her to help her father make the best of what may very well be his last scouting trip.  Mickey is an aspiring attorney who is gunning for a partner position, but she obliges Pete despite the fact that her relationship with her father is somewhat strained thanks to him placing work before family through most of her childhood.  It should come as no surprise that despite the tension between father and daughter, by the film's end, resolutions are made.

The biggest issue with Trouble with the Curve is that it's simply too generic to really love or hate it.  There's not a thing in it that's horrible, but there's nothing in it that deserves acclaim either.  Eastwood is playing the same role he plays in everything.  Amy Adams is burdened with a character that is forced to change her allegiances and feelings towards her father on a dime simply to assist the storytelling.  Shockingly, Justin Timberlake is actually one of the better aspects of the film even though he's just playing a token love interest.  Granted, he isn't given much to do, but he shouldn't be embarrassed by his switch as of late to acting.

Ultimately, though, the film just doesn't provide any spark or substance beyond anything we've seen before.  It's perfectly okay, but it's just okay.  There's nothing recommendable about it, but nothing that I can say to steadfastly try and persuade you not to watch it either.

The RyMickey Rating:  C

Movie Review - It's a Wonderful Life

It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

Starring Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, Lionel Barrymore, Thomas Mitchell, and Henry Travers

Directed by Frank Capra

I'm one of the few people in America who had not yet seen It's a Wonderful Life.  Much like the reason I've never decided to tackle the Star Wars series, I had a bit of a worry that after waiting so long to see this apparently classic Jimmy Stewart film, I'd be a bit disappointed.  Fortunately, that wasn't the case, however, I'm not quite entirely sure why it's endured as well as it has.

Don't get me wrong...It's a Wonderful Life is a good film with some really solid performances from Jimmy Stewart as working man George Bailey, Donna Reed as his long time love Mary, and Lionel Barrymore as the crotchety banker Henry Potter.  I just think it's a teensy bit too drawn out.  Let's be honest...the really good, emotionally riveting stuff occurs once December 24th hits and George's uncle loses that $8000 in cash sending good old George into a downward spiral resulting in his attempt at ending his life so his family can at least reap his life insurance policy.  (If you, like me, haven't seen this movie yet, crawl out from under the rock you've been living under.  No apologies for spoilers, here.)  Once Clarence (Henry Travers) comes down from heaven to work his magic on George, the film becomes surprisingly heartwrenching.  I actually found myself getting a tiny bit choked up -- no tears, or anything, but the story was quite touching.

It's the final act that makes It's a Wonderful Life the classic it has become.  It's a bit of a shame that it takes so long to get there, but it's a film I imagine I'll watch again in a few years.  While it won't become an annual tradition for me, it's definitely deserving another watch down the line.

The RyMickey Rating:  B

[Note: I realize the above is not much of a review, but I'm so late to the game with this one, I figured why bother with a lengthy opinion.]

Theatre Review - War Horse

War Horse

Adapted by Nick Stafford

Directed by Marianne Elliott and Tom Morris

Where: Lincoln Center Theater at the Vivian Beaumont, New York, NY

When: Saturday, December 29, 8pm

I was not a fan at all of the film version of War Horse, so I'm not quite sure what possessed me to even think about seeing War Horse on the Broadway stage.  Admittedly, the five 2011 Tony wins (including Best Play) had something to do with venturing to see it as did the uniqueness of the puppetry aspect of the production (as did the relatively cheap $50 seats).  I probably should have known better.  This thing is loved by many -- heck it's been running since April 14, 2011 -- but you can't overcome a story that just doesn't connect with you and War Horse definitely doesn't do a thing for me.

Maybe it's because I grew up in a pet-less family, but I've never felt a real strong connection to animals.  Call me callous, but I never want a pet.  It's too much hassle and too much money to spend on a non-human entity.  Therefore, I find it really difficult to understand the emotional connection teenage Albert Narracott has with his newly bought horse Joey (brought to life in puppet form by Hunter Canning, Brian Lee Hunyh, and Hannah Sloat as a foal, and by Leah Hoffman, Tom Lee, and Isaac Woofter when full-grown).  As Joey gets sold to the army by Albert's father in order to aid the British in WWI, I had no emotional reaction...and I think I was supposed to.  As the horse goes through trials of its own during the war, I simply didn't give a damn when it got caught in barbed wire, as an example.  Ultimately, this lack of emotional connection with the story just doesn't permit me to become involved in this tale in a way that I think is absolutely necessary in order to enjoy this piece of theater.

Visually, the stage at the Lincoln Center Theater at the Vivian Beaumont was sparse which allowed for the exquisite puppetry work to really stand out.  The horses were neat and were surprisingly lifelike in their movements.  Unfortunately, the humans playing humans in the cast sometimes left a bit to be desired, particularly Andrew Durand who plays Albert.  I couldn't help but think of Pinky from Pinky and the Brain whenever he spoke and I wanted his whiny British voice to yell "Narf!" at some point just to keep me awake.

And keeping me awake was difficult in this one.  I've never faded in a live Broadway show before...until now.  Granted, it was at the end of a long day of walking through the city and I'd just had a heavy, though delicious, meal at a nice Brazilian restaurant named Brasilina in Hell's Kitchen, but I kept closing my eyes and not wanting to open them back up throughout this one.  I never actually went to sleep, but as I sat in the last row of the theater (which had no detrimental effect on the experience as I don't think there's a bad seat in the house in this theater), I could've drifted away so easily.

War Horse is closing up shop on January 6, so if there's any desire on your part to see it on Broadway, you've got very little time left.  I'm not sure why you'd want to subject yourself to it, but if you're a glutton for punishment, it's there for you.

The Personal Canon - The Music Man

The Personal Canon is a recurring column discussing my favorite movies of all time.  While they may not necessarily be "A" rated, they are the movies that, for some reason or another, hold a special place in my filmgoing experience.

The Music Man (1962)

Starring Robert Preston, Shirley Jones, Ron Howard, Buddy Hackett, Hermione Gingold, Paul Ford, Pert Kelton, and The Buffalo Bills

Directed by Morton DaCosta

It's been nearly a year since I've added to my Personal Canon on the blog, but it's time to add another movie into that hallowed compendium of films.  The first time I saw The Music Man I was probably about eleven or twelve.  Classic films often had a place in our house as trips to the video store were a common occurrence and journeys into the older sections of "Choices" (any Delawareans remember that video store?) were always taken.  I imagine my mom probably picked this one out as I likely had never heard of it, but after watching it back then, I knew it was going to become one of my favorite movies.

The Music Man is as close to a piece of classic Americana captured on film as you're ever going to get. Flags are flying everywhere, small town camaraderie is the name of the game, and people are so goshdarn happy that they've got to sing how they feel for all to hear.  Cut yourself a slice of apple pie and settle in for a cinematic treat.

A full-fledged musical, we meet Professor Harold Hill (Robert Preston), a con man traveling salesman, as he stops by River City, Iowa, attempting to sell the town on forming a boy's marching band by giving him money for instruments and uniforms and then skedaddling before the townsfolk realize he's completely incapable of teaching anyone a note.  Along the way, Harold meets Marion (Shirley Jones), the town's librarian who seems to be the only one in town who fails to fall for Harold's quick-talking smooth lies.  It shouldn't be surprising that the shrewish Marion begins to be won over by the dashing Harold and therein lies the film's second half.

The story is light-hearted and amusing, but it wouldn't make any difference if the music wasn't any good.  However, there's nothing to worry about there as Meredith Wilson's music and lyrics are some of the best ever written for a musical.  It's a tremendously successful and varied collection of songs with nary a one hitting a bum note or causing a lull.  Director Morton DaCosta who directed the original Broadway version of the show has a surprisingly good eye for creating a successful cinematic experience.  Dance sequences are appropriately peppered throughout, but not too heavily to become overbearing bores.  He eases into songs naturally which is something that isn't easy to come by in movie musicals and, particularly great for the time, it hardly ever appears that the cast is singing to a pre-recorded track (of course, I'm assuming that they were and maybe that is an incorrect assumption).  There is a "theatricality" on display which I think helps the audience accept that they're watching a musical, but it certainly never once feels like you're watching a filmed stage musical.

Performances are great across the board from the leads down to the townsfolk who only speak one line.  Robert Preston won praises for his Tony-winning role as Harold Hill.  This is not an easy role to undertake as Meredith Wilson has created incredibly quick patter singing for the con man Hill.  Tackling difficult syncopation and counterpoints comes with such ease to Preston that it's hard to imagine anyone else taking on the role.  [Matthew Broderick tried in a remake and pretty much failed.]  Shirley Jones is simply lovely exuding charm at every turn.  You can't help but smile when she's onscreen.  Add in the young and precocious Ron(ny) Howard and a delightfully stuck-up Hermione Gingold among others and the whole cast shines.

I hadn't watched The Music Man in several years and I was a tiny bit worried that my fond childhood remembrances were not going to hold up.  I was incredibly pleased to throw those worries out the window and rediscover the fantastic film.

The RyMickey Rating:  A

Check out the other films in my Personal Canon like Saving Private Ryan and Beauty and the Beast by clicking this link.

Movie Review - The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight (2008)

Starring Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Gary Oldman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Eric Roberts, and Nestor Carbonell

Directed by Christopher Nolan

The two things I vividly remember about watching The Dark Knight in theaters four years ago was that the show I was seeing had a projector issue causing a "brain wrap" (in projectionist terms) which made the film stop (forcing me to head to another auditorium to watch the end) and that I thought Heath Ledger was perhaps a bit overrated in his role as The Joker.  At that point in time, I thought that Aaron Eckhart was the one who should be getting more praise for his take on Harvey Dent/Two Face and that Ledger's death was giving him some (slightly undeserved) great posthumous reviews.

Years later, I realize that perhaps I was a bit too harsh on Ledger.  Not that I ever thought his performance was bad, but I always felt that because of his death, he was being praised more highly than he would have had he been living.  While that may very well still be a true statement, the fact is that he did a heckuva job with The Joker.  Freakishly malevolent, there's an eerie psychotic presence whenever The Joker is onscreen.  

It's because of both The Joker's maniacal evilness and the stalwart Harvey Dent's shift into the flawed Two Face that make The Dark Knight an infinitely better movie than Batman Begins.  These two figures bring much more to the table in terms of conflict than anyone did in Christopher Nolan's first Batman film, but it's not just the "villains" that are wreaking havoc on Gotham City.  Batman himself is finding himself loved and hated by the city and Bruce Wayne is forced to come to terms with whether he is helpful or harmful to his fellow citizens.  Now that the origin tale has been told in the first film, Christopher Nolan is able to delve a bit more into the psyche of Bruce/Batman and it's a welcome addition.

Once again, supporting turns are all top notch.  Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, and Gary Oldman all add an aire of professionalism to the film which often isn't felt in comic book adaptations.  Maggie Gyllenhaal takes on the role originated by Katie Holmes and fares a bit better.  Holmes was never bad (I feel like I'm one of the few people who actually liked her in Batman Begins), but Gyllenhaal felt a little less morose than the somber Holmes, although it's entirely possible that the role was just given a bit more life beyond "love interest" than in the first film.  Also, I find it invigorating that Nolan isn't afraid to create characters that are capable of dying.  Gotham City isn't a pristine town by any means and by having deaths occur to characters we come to know, Nolan creates a sense of urgency and fear that we don't normally feel in comic book adaptations which always seem to feature immortal characters.

The Dark Knight isn't perfect -- once again, Nolan drags the climax out for much too long -- but it's darn close to the best -- if not the best -- comic book flick I've ever seen.  Here's hoping The Dark Knight Rises finishes off the trilogy on a positive note.

The RyMickey Rating:  A-

Movie Review - Batman Begins

Batman Begins (2005)

Starring Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Katie Holmes, Gary Oldman, Cillian Murphy, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Ken Watanabe, Rutger Hauer, and Tom Wilkinson

Directed by Christopher Nolan

I must admit that I watched this back in mid-August.  I had planned on a one-two-three punch of Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, but that never came to fruition.  That said, with The Dark Knight Rises just arriving in the mail today, I figured I might as well briefly discuss my thoughts on this first flick in the series.

I didn't remember being a huge fan of this when it first came out in 2005 and this subsequent viewing in 2012 didn't really change my mind.  Origin tales always border on tedious for me and this proves no exception.  While I didn't mind learning the story of Bruce Wayne as a kid, once he gets older (and turns into Christian Bale) and travels to Asia to strengthen both his body and his mind, I lost interest.  As Bruce returns to Gotham, the film picks up a bit, but by the end, I found the climax to be much too lengthy.

It certainly doesn't help that Liam Neeson's Henri Ducard/Ra's al Ghul isn't a great villain, and while Cillian Murphy's Scarecrow is more menacing, I felt he wasn't exactly placed into the spotlight his character probably should have been.  Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, and Gary Oldman are all quite strong in their roles providing nice characters for Bale's Bruce Wayne to play off of in their respective scenes together.  Katie Holmes is fine as well (although Maggie Gyllenhaal breathes a little more life into the same romantic love interest character in the second film).

As for Christian Bale, I'm not quite sure where I stand on him.  While I respect the choices of the deep voice and stoic emotionless demeanor while in the persona of Batman, it does make the character a bit one-note.  He certainly plays Wayne as a smart (though smarmy at times) playboy which allows for a bit more fun to be injected into things, but when behind the mask, he's almost bland.

While I'm mainly listing qualms with the film, I do think Batman Begins is a pretty solid comic book adaptation and certainly one of the better flicks of the genre over the past twenty years.

The RyMickey Rating:  B-

Movie Review - Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows (2012)

Starring Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Eva Green, Bella Heathcote, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, and Chloë Grace Moretz

Directed by Tim Burton

Edward Scissorhands.  Ed Wood.  Sleepy Hollow.  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  The Corpse Bride.  Sweeney Todd.  Alice in Wonderland.  With the exception of Sweeney Todd, the pairing of director Tim Burton with his acting stalwart Johnny Depp have almost gotten a bit worse with each progressive film.  While Dark Shadows can't quite compete with the abhorrent trip down the rabbit hole that was their last collaboration, this redo of a 1960s vampire soap opera doesn't quite gel.  I see potential around every corner with the director's latest work, but the odd mix of comedy and horror is never humorous nor scary enough to successfully satisfy the cinematic requirements of either genre.

With an appropriately creepy Gothic prologue, Burton starts things off with a perfectly morose tone.  Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) was the twentysomething son of a wealthy fishing family whose riches were enough to have a town named after them back in the late eighteenth century.  After seducing and then breaking up with the Collins' maid Angelique (Eva Green), it is discovered that the maid was in fact a witch who through her dark sorcery kills Barnabas' parents.  Some time passes and Barnabas falls for the lovely Josette (Bell Heathcote) much to the chagrin of the jealous Angelique who concocts another spell that both kills Josette and turns Barnabas into an immortal vampire whom she then locks in a coffin buried for eternity.

After those first ten minutes, I asked myself why this film had gotten such bad reviews upon its release earlier in the year.  This seemed like it was going to be a nice little creepy flick.  And that's when the tone shifted.  Barnabas' coffin is unearthed in the early 1970s and rather than focus on horror, the next ninety minutes are all about Barnabas being a fish out of water.  A tv?  It's a magic box that must be destroyed.  A McDonald's?  That must be the hang-out of Mephistopheles because of the big 'M' that adorns the sign.  It's not funny written down and it isn't any funnier in the film.  Ultimately, there's some plot about Barnabas needing to save his family's reputation.  Angelique has managed to live for these nearly two centuries and has pushed the Collins family out of the fishing industry in Collinswood by creating her own fishery.  Barnabas will stop at nothing to prevent the witch from casting his family name into the gutters.

The biggest problem here is simply that the film isn't funny.  I didn't laugh once despite Burton trying to balance both comedy and light horror elements.  The two pieces never fit together.  I'm not quite sure why Burton decided to go this route considering that the 60s soap opera was decidedly not comedic (at least in the dozen episodes or so I ventured to watch a few years ago) except to think that he felt it matched his quirky aesthetic a bit better.  Needless to say, he should have dropped the quirk.

Eva Green is the only actor in the cast who fully embraces the humorous aspects of the film.  While I still didn't laugh at anything her character said or did, Green at least attempts to breathe some life into the comedic moments.  Johnny Depp is sleepwalking through the whole thing -- he's not particularly bad, but he certainly brings nothing to the table.  The rest of the cast -- Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Chloë Moretz -- aren't given any particularly memorable moments so critiquing anything involving them would prove fruitless.

There was some potential in Dark Shadows, but I think Burton's direction (and admittedly the screenwriter's lack of focus on a particular genre) is the film's downfall.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-

Movie Review - Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Starring Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, Giancarlo Giannini, Gemma Arterton, and Jeffrey Wright
Directed by Marc Forster

SPOILER ALERT AHEAD FOR CASINO ROYALE

After a great first experience with Mr. Bond in Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace had quite a bit to live up to and, unfortunately, it didn't really come close.  Taking place mere hours after the start of Casino Royale, Quantum is a quasi-sequel in that James Bond is still somewhat reeling (in that reserved British sense of "reeling") over the death of his lover and he finds himself on a mission to enact revenge on those who caused her death.  In and of itself, that would've been a good film, but we're given a eco-friendly villain (Mathieu Amalric) that I really couldn't care about -- the malevolence of taking away clean drinking water from the poor just isn't as much fun as world domination -- which doesn't help matters.

However, the biggest issue with Quantum of Solace is that director Marc Forster has no clue how to properly direct action sequences.  What I love about Casino Royale is that even the most ludicrous of action sequences are believable because of the way they are fluidly shot.  Forster resorts to the quick cuts that are so prevalent in action flicks today and there were several moments where I simply didn't comprehend what was going on.  Right from the opening scene in which two nearly identical black cars are involved in a chase, I knew I was in for disappointment.  When you can't tell which car is being driven by your protagonist and antagonist, you're in for trouble.

Here's hoping Skyfall is more like Casino Royale than this second Daniel Craig-starring venture.

The RyMickey Rating:  C

Movie Review - Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages (2012)

Starring Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Russell Brand, Paul Giamatti, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Malin Akerman, Mary J. Blige, Bryan Cranston, Alec Baldwin, and Tom Cruise

Directed by Adam Shankman

Movies don't get much worse than Rock of Ages, one of the most dreadful films I've seen in a long time.     There's a line in Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" which is sung two or three times in this musical that says "the movie never ends / it goes on and on and on and on," and, boy, does this movie seem an interminable mess.  I'm legitimately not sure why I watched the whole thing except to say that I knew within the first ten minutes that this was going to be the worst movie of 2012 and I needed to at least be able to have seen the movie that warranted that ignominious prize.

Somehow or another, this melange of horrible '80s rock music has been running on Broadway since 2009 and it's still going strong.  With a paper thin plot involving "small town girl" Sherrie (Julianne Hough) who moves to L.A. to make it in the music industry only to find that life is more difficult than she could have imagined, Rock of Ages throws in a bunch of perfunctory characters to try and round out the tale.  Of course, Sherrie falls in love almost immediately upon arrival with Drew (Diego Boneta), an aspiring rock star who works at the iconic rock venue The Bourbon Room run by Lonny (Russell Brand) and Dennis (Alec Baldwin) whose "witty" repartee proves groan-inducing.  The Bourbon Room is unfortunately a bit behind in paying their taxes and Dennis formulates a deal for aging rock star and nonsensical alcoholic druggie Stacie Jaxx (Tom Cruise) to play a solo performance at the establishment, much to the chagrin of the new L.A. mayor (Bryan Cranston) and his bitchy wife Patricia (Catherine Zeta-Jones), the latter of whom is on a mission to "sanitize" the city by ridding it of its bars and strip clubs.

But since bars, strip clubs, alcohol, and rock and roll are totally tubular (there's an '80s term that thankfully faded), screw the government and rock on!  At least, that's what we're supposed to feel.  Instead, I just longed for this movie to come to a close.  Filled with some of the worst performances of the year (Mary J. Blige should never get another acting job after this), there's nothing even remotely positive to latch onto.  I thought maybe Tom Cruise who is certainly taking on a different role in Stacie Jaxx than we've seen from him before might at least provide some amusement in hamming it up for the screen, but instead I just felt bad for him to be involved in this dreck.  The two leads in Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta actually come out of this the most unscathed simply because their characters were the most "normal," and despite looking all doe-eyed and innocent for much of the film, neither were given embarrassing moments to undertake like the rest of their fellow cast members.

Director Adam Shankman who did a rather brilliant job with the amusing and cheerful Hairspray several years ago should've known better.  The film jolts back and forth between its various characters too much and the musical numbers are filmed rather blandly, lacking any imagination or creativity.  I don't think you could pay me enough money to watch Rock of Ages again.  Painful...just painful...

The RyMickey Rating:  F

"Just permit me one sentimental moment here..."

"...I have something to say.  Christmas:  it's not the giving, it's not the getting, it's the loving.  There, I said it.  Now get outta here."

"There's a lot of bad 'isms' floatin' around this world..."

"...but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it's the same - don't care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck."

"Rats..."

"...Nobody sent me a Christmas card today.  I almost wish there weren't a holiday season.  I know nobody likes me.  Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?"

"I'll tell you what Christmas is..."

"It's just another workday, and any jackanape who thinks else should be boiled in his own pudding!"

"This place reminds me of Santa's Workshop..."

"...except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me!"

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. "

"I can't think of anything that's dumber..."

"...to a grouch, Christmas is a bummer."