Solo: A Star Wars Story

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)

Starring Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover, Joonas Suotamo, Thandie Newton, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Jon Favreau, and Paul Bettany

Directed by Ron Howard

Written by Jonathan Kasdan and Lawrence Kasdan

Summary (in 500 words or less):  The back story of how Han Solo became Han Solo is essentially a heist movie about how our title character (Alden Ehrenreich) teams up with a group of mercenaries to complete a mission to snag some specialty fuel.

Click here for my Letterboxd review

The RyMickey Rating: C

Movie Review - Mission: Impossible II

-- Mission: Impossible Week --
Please note that all Mission: Impossible Week film reviews may contain spoilers related to both the film that is being reviewed and other films in the series.

Mission: Impossible II (2000)

Starring Tom Cruise, Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton, Ving Rhames, Richard Roxburgh, Brendan Gleeson, and Anthony Hopkins

Directed by John Woo

***This film is currently streaming on Netflix***

Quite frankly, the fact that Mission: Impossible II is the highest-grossing film domestically in the M:I series shows that Americans have no taste whatsoever because this is without a doubt one of the worst action movies crafted for the big screen...ever.  We're talking Transformers series levels of bad here.  Like its predecessor, there's stylized direction on display here.  Unfortunately, John Woo's weird aesthetic overtakes the story and fails to add anything, instead creating an atmosphere that's laughable with horrible visuals, dialog, and acting.

M:I II goes in a completely different direction from its predecessor which felt like a more intelligent spy film as opposed to a straight action flick.  While the remainder of the series also eschews the aesthetics of the first flick, none of the remaining three films stoop to levels as low as this film.  Quite frankly, the majority of the blame falls squarely on director John Woo's plate.  Saturated with an orange palette, Woo creates some of the silliest action sequences in the M:I series (that finale motorcycle scene is simply ridiculous) and then peppers in some of the hokiest non-action moments as well -- white doves flying out of fire, a lengthy flamenco dance (filmed via sweeping camera) that the main characters watch but never participate in, poorly directed scenes of romance between Tom Cruise and Thandie Newton.  There really is nothing good to talk about here.  Nothing.

While I mentioned in the first film's review this series' expertise in bringing together great casts, Woo directs typically solid actors like Anthony Hopkins and Brendan Gleeson so poorly that they can't add anything to the film.  Dougray Scott and Richard Roxburgh play villains with such a caricaturish spin that I half expected them to grow mustaches to twirl as they maniacally laugh.  Tom Cruise admittedly is solid -- a trait that will continue for him throughout the series -- but his beaming smile isn't enough to save this piece of dreck.

While Woo is certainly responsible for most of the blame, the trio of screenwriters here (one of whom actually helped to write the first film) must accept some responsibility for this film's failure as well.  One of the key gadgets of the Mission: Impossible series is a machine that creates a realistic face mask, accurately duplicating a person's facial features and vocal timbre.  I lost count of the number of times the writers used this trick in this film and utilizing this "gotcha"-type moment numerous times rings cheap and feels like a cop out.

I remember when this flick was released in 2000, I thought it was one of the worst movies of that year.  Having not watched it in over 15 years, I had hoped that maybe my mind was maybe just playing tricks on me and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had remembered.  Unfortunately, I realized that I'm not that senile as Mission: Impossible II is one of the worst action movies I've ever seen.  Fortunately, we move in a slightly different direction as the series moves forward because had this caliber of film continued, the Mission: Impossible franchise would've been one I'd have abandoned.

The RyMickey Rating:  F

Movie Review - Retreat

Retreat (2011)

Starring Thandie Newton, Cillian Murphy, and Jamie Bell

Directed by Carl Tibbetts

On the brink of divorce, husband and wife Martin and Kate (Cillian Murphy and Thandie Newton) take a trip to an incredibly small island off the coast of England.  With only one house on the isle and with no communication with the outside world except for a rickety CB radio, the couple hope to reignite the passion that's been missing from their marriage ever since Kate miscarried.  However, shortly into their stay, Martin and Kate discover a battered and bruised man (Jamie Bell) who washes up on the shore.  When the man comes to, he relays to the couple that a terrible airborne virus has wreaked havoc on Europe and that the only way to save themselves is to seal up their small island home and try to wait out the outbreak.  Without any form of communication, Martin and Kate are placed into a difficult situation and must make a decision as to whether they can believe this man they just met.

To me, Retreat has a great concept and while it doesn't necessarily succeed fully as a movie, there is enough promise that should the film pop up on Instant Viewing on Netflix, it'd be worth a watch.  Essentially a three-character piece, the overarching premise of the movie works.  Where the movie drops the ball is in the development of the characters -- particularly the couple Martin and Kate.  With conveniently dropped tidbits of information to give us their backstory, any background characterizations we get of the couple are terribly forced and completely unnatural to the storytelling process, providing eye-rolling groan-inducing moments in the film's opening act.

Fortunately, for the most part, the trio of actors is successful at creating the tension needed for this claustrophobic film to succeed.  Jamie Bell (best known for the title role of Billy Elliott over a decade ago) brings out just the right amount of paranoia to always have the audience questioning whether his character of Jack is nuts or legitimately truthful in his panic concerning the virus.  Cillian Murphy is also quite good as the rather subdued husband.  Not wanting to create a stir, his Martin is the more levelheaded of the couple and Murphy allows his character's actions to always seem believable.

Thandie Newton, on the other hand, is an actress that has fallen out of my good graces in recent years.  Last year, she landed on the the RyMickey Awards' Worst Actress list for her work in For Colored Girls, but she's certainly better in Retreat than she was in that Tyler Perry flick.  However, the same critique of Newton that I mentioned when discussing her Worst Actress "award" -- that she "plays anger and frustration with this incredible screechiness that is so overpoweringly unbelievable" -- still rings true here. Granted, it's not nearly as bad here, but it still rears its ugly head.  She's a beautiful woman, but when Newton is forced to get really gritty, she just can't succeed.

Still, while Retreat may not be without its faults, it's still a movie that is worth a watch.  I was a bit worried that with the premise, I was inevitably going to be disappointed with the ending, but to its credit, the film manages to provide an satisfying conclusion that surprisingly appeased this reviewer's rather critical palette.

The RyMickey Rating:  C

The 2010 RyMickey Awards - Worst Performance

In 2009, I saw many, many bad films.  That's what happens when you watch over 200 flicks.  In 2010, I count myself lucky as I didn't see nearly as many bottom of the barrel movies.  That said, there were still a few performances that left me astonished that they ever made their way to the big screen.

Worst Performances of 2010

#5 -- Paz de la Huerta - Enter the Void

I really liked this trippy film mainly because of directorial choices...certainly not because of the acting.  Paz de la Huerta is painful.  (It should be noted that in the little bit I've seen from her in other things, her awful performance here is not a fluke.  I think she only gets hired because she seems to love being naked.)

#4 -- Johnny Depp - Alice in Wonderland

Yes, I get that Johnny Depp was playing the Mad Hatter as super crazy and drugged-out, but the character ends up being utterly incoherent and it seems like painful overacting.

#3 - Thandie Newton - For Colored Girls

I'm beginning to think that Thandie Newton is not the actress I once thought she was.  For some reason, I always thought I liked her, but looking back on her filmography, I realize that she always plays anger and frustration with this incredible screechiness that is so overpoweringly unbelievable that it ruins any scene she's in and hampers the actors around her.  In this flick where she's surrounded by some surprisingly good actors, she is unable to step up her game.

#2 - The Cast of the Expendables -- The Expendables

Excluding Jason Statham, this cast of geriatric action stars proved there is a reason they haven't been cast in many films lately.  Of course, the group is certainly hampered by an awful script courtesy of Sly Stallone, but it's not exactly like Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke (who is proving The Wrestler to be the exception rather than the norm in his oeuvre), Dolph Lundgren, et. al are up to the task of doing anything beyond holding a firearm.

#1 - Mark Wahlberg - The Other Guys

An honor I'm sure the actor-producer of The Fighter doesn't want on his mantle, but Mark Wahlberg and comedy do not mix.  Wahlberg's attempts at humor amounted to yelling at everything and opening up his eyes really wide to emote some type of anger and frustration.  Stick with drama, Marky Mark, because comedy is not your forte.

Movie Review - For Colored Girls

For Colored Girls (2010)

Starring Janet Jackson, Kerry Washington, Kimberly Elise, Anika Noni Rose, Phylicia Rashad, Thandie Newton, Loretta Devine, and Whoopi Goldberg

Directed by Tyler Perry

All throughout For Colored Girls, I kept trying to will myself to enjoy it.  I was witnessing some stellar performances from Kerry Washington, Kimberly Elise, Anika Noni Rose, and Phylicia Rashad, and I wanted to like this movie so I could recommend others to watch it solely to see these underused actresses.  Unfortunately, Tyler Perry has written and directed a ridiculously melodramatic movie, forcing his onscreen talent to take part in an epic and, at times, laughable misandry fest.

Based on a play which apparently is a series of poetic readings, Perry has crafted very loose interweaving stories that, I'd assume, relate to the original source material.  There's a lovely young dance instructor (Anika Noni Rose) who meets a seemingly charming guy only to discover he may not be such a great catch.  We move onto her young student who gets pregnant and heads to a back alley in the city to get an abortion (doesn't she know that in this day and age, my tax dollars support Planned Parenthood which can certainly show her the nearest clinic).  That girl's sister is a sex addict (and is played by the ridiculously over-the-top Thandie Newton) and she lives next door to Phylicia Rashad who is essentially playing the same voice of reason she played on The Cosby Show.  In the apartment next to Mrs. Cosby is an abused mother (Kimberly Elise) who stays with her army veteran husband who became insane after his stint in Iraq despite the repeated harm he causes her and her children.  That woman works for Janet Jackson who plays a magazine editor with only one overarching characteristic -- cold bitch.  Her husband is cheating on her...with another man.  This insanity just goes on and on.  Couple these ridiculous stories with actresses who are forced, mid-scene, to suddenly break into poetry.  What they were saying may have been lovely, but I couldn't help but laugh.  What are probably beautiful words about the plight of women (which I assume are written by the original playwright) are pigeonholed in between some of the silliest dialog out there (which I assume is written by Tyler Perry).

Somehow, shocking as it is, I was kind of drawn in to the awfulness of the whole affair.  It come awfully close to the so bad it's good realm, but never quite gets there.  The reason it never achieves that lofty goal is that there are too many good performances here and they, unfortunately, make the bad ones look really godawful.  Kerry Washington is actually quite lovely as a social worker set to look into the case of Kimberly Elise's abused wife.  Washington and Elise actually have moments of brilliance here and it's a shame they're stuck in such a crappy film.  Same goes for Ms. Rashad who has a presence that is felt throughout the film even in scenes where she's just on the periphery.  Kudos also to Anika Noni Rose whose character goes through quite a change with shocking believability.  She's also helped by the fact that the scene that "transforms" her is also one of the few moments in which Mr. Perry shows a vague hint that he knows how to utilize a camera to tell a story.

And it's all a shame because those four roles are pitted against the painful silliness of Thandie Newton who apparently can only express frustration through screaming.  Of course, she is playing the daughter of Whoopi Goldberg's character who also overacts to the nth degree.  Pit that against the one-note Janet Jackson who only knows stone-cold sternness as a facial expression and those leading ladies who did a great job get overshadowed by the weaker ones.

In the end, despite the rating below, it may be worth a Netflix instant watch should it ever pop up simply to see some of the great performances, but, in the end, it still proves that Tyler Perry is not the talent that his high box office grosses would make one think he is.

The RyMickey Rating: D+

Movie Review - Vanishing on 7th Street

Vanishing on 7th Street (2011)

Starring Hayden Christensen, Thandie Newton, Jacob Latimore, and John Leguizamo

Directed by Brad Anderson

***An early review -- This film will be released in local theaters on February 25***

One evening during a quick electrical power outage, nearly everyone in Detroit vanishes into thin air, leaving their piles of clothing strewn about the city.  Four people have seemingly survived the mass disappearance and they soon realize it's because they were around a non-electical light source at the time -- a candle, flashlight, etc.  Can this quartet survive the ghostly shadows that appear all across the city or will their metaphorical light be snuffed out?

The whole premise of Vanishing on 7th Street sounds silly, I realize, but I've got to say that the story was moderately entertaining.  There is an eerie quality present that derives its spookiness from sheer simplicity.  It's obvious that the budget on this flick wasn't large, but director Brad Anderson makes the most of things, creating a tense atmosphere with very little with which to work.  Anderson keeps the film moving at a brisk pace and the under-90 minute running time was a welcome surprise.

However, the film falters a bit when it comes to surviving quartet of characters themselves.  Everything that we learn about the group seems completely irrelevant.  Hayden Christensen's young news reporter was cheating on his wife with a married woman and Thandie Newton (who overacts out the wazoo at the beginning of this flick) is a new mother who recently separated from her baby's daddy.  I guess these plot revelations were supposed to make me "feel" for these characters or, at the very least, make them seem more relatable to me...needless to say, that didn't happen.  John Leguizamo's character doesn't have any secrets revealed, but he plays a film projectionist and we all know what secrets those recluses hold.  The fourth character is a kid because every movie like this has to have a kid in it because apparently kids in peril make audiences nervous or something.  Unfortunately, the film really fails these four actors by not developing their characters in the slightest.  I didn't give a damn about any one of these people and couldn't care less if they were taken by the shadows.

Despite my dislike for the character development, it wouldn't have been enough for me to disregard the flick.  However, it's also a shame that the film ends on a disappointing note.  The ending is slightly cop-outtish and I wish the movie would've had the nerve to conclude on a slightly different note.  Still, despite the qualms (and the not-so-great rating below), I didn't despise the movie.  Not that I ever need to watch it again, but you can certainly fare worse when it comes to eerie ghost movies.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-

Movie Review - 2012 (2009)

2012 (2009)

Starring John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, and Woody Harrelson

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Most disaster movies are horrendous.  Characters have one specific attribute or mannerism to distinguish them from the hordes of other characters, none of whom you can even remember their names after the movie is over.  Crowd scenes are set up with the sole purpose of creating mass destruction.  Dialog is silly.

All of that is true in 2012, but for some insane reason, I wasn't the least bit bored watching this.  Yes, I laughed out loud at the ridiculous first ninety minutes when loving father John Cusack (as I mentioned above, character names are irrelevant here) and his family utilize a variety of modes of transportation to narrowly escape exploding volcanoes, huge tremors, and giant clouds of smoke.  Yes, the scene where the President of the United States gets mowed down by an aircraft carrier was inane.  Sure, the scientific technobabble blabbed by geologist Chiwetel Ejiofer was mind-numbingly ludicrous. 

But, this movie is what it is.  It's a disaster movie along the same lines as The Poseidon Adventure and Armageddon, and while no one would call those two films cinematic masterpieces, I'm up for their silly fun every now and again.  (Unfortunately, the special effects in those two aforementioned flicks were much better than what was on display here.  In fact -- and this is a huge detriment to this film -- the fx were really awful.)

Certainly helping 2012 is the fact that I actually enjoyed watching several of the actors (despite their idiotic dialog and the impossible situations they finagle out of).  Cusack, Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, and Thandie Newton all did the very best they could with what they were given.  Certainly, there were some actors -- Oliver Platt and Woody Harrelson -- who chewed up the scenery with their over-the-top antics, but overall, the acting was better than it needed to be.

Is 2012 a good movie?  No.  Will I ever watch it again?  Probably not.  Would I recommend this two-hour-and-forty-minute flick to anyone?  Not a chance.

But I still had a moderately enjoyable time watching it.

The RyMickey Rating:  C-